


There For You

by Evilsforreals



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Betrayal, Falling In Love, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-03
Updated: 2014-05-27
Packaged: 2018-01-03 07:48:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1067892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evilsforreals/pseuds/Evilsforreals
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Connie is gravely injured after saving Reiner from a surprise attack. The squad deals with his injuries in their own ways, but Reiner blames himself for what happened</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Long Night

**Author's Note:**

> AU where Reiner didn't know he was a Shifter, until a recent confrontation with Annie and Berthdolt. Connie saved Reiner, which awakened his Titan powers, and he was able to fend them off.
> 
> Reiner is also a member of Levi's new squad.

               The room was dimly lit, a single candle sputtering on the table. Hanji stared through the window, concern etched onto her face. She gazed at the unconscious boy in the infirmary bed, bandages swathed over the majority of his body, his chest slightly rising with each labored breath. “It’s a miracle he’s still alive.”

                Levi looked up, his eyes attempting to focus in the shadowy corridor. “Do you think he’ll make it?”

                Hanji brushed the hair out of her eyes distractedly. “Will he be alive? Yes…I think so.” She stared pointedly at Levi as she continued. “ But will it truly be living? A shattered spine, compound fractures on almost every single bone in his body; he’s looking at life in a wheelchair.”

                At this, Levi turned away, his face covered in the darkness of the hallway. “Another of my squad lost, and he’s still a child.” There was an uncomfortable silence, as Hanji looked away, allowing Levi time to compose himself. A moment later, he straightened, and turned back to Hanji, his face back to its intense and emotionless expression.  “And there would’ve been nothing left of him if that Shifter boy hadn’t intervened.”

                Hanji nodded, relieved to steer the conversation towards something else. “Yes, Reiner Braun. He was from the same village as the two deviants, Annie and Berthdolt, but hadn’t realized he had the ability to shift. With what we got out of Armin at the debriefing, he manifested immediately after Springer pushed him out of harm’s way.”

                Levi raised an eyebrow. “You mean it was some sort of emotional trigger? That doesn’t match with Jaeger’s method of having a definitive need to transform.”

                Hanji shrugged. “Maybe shifters have different methods of shifting. All that we know is that Connie pushed Reiner out of the way of the Female Titan, and took the blow himself.” Hanji paused momentarily, a knot in her throat for having to calmly recount the events that had crippled the young soldier for life. “The blow initially shattered his collarbone and several ribs, and hurled him into a nearby tree. His back broke on contact with the tree, as well as his arms. His fall was cushioned by some of the tree branches, and Sasha Braus was able to catch and stabilize him. Once Reiner realized what had happened, he shifted, and proceeded to drive off both the Female Titan, and the Colossal Titan. He then carried Connie, along with the rest of the team in Titan form, all the way back here.”

                Levi stared at Hanji, bewilderment on his face. “He drove them BOTH away?”

                Hanji laughed at his confused expression. “I reacted the same way.  Pretty impressive.”

                Levi turned back to the window, looking back into the darkened room. “How long has been sitting there?” He gestured towards the silhouette of a figure opposite Connie, quietly snoring.

                “He hasn’t left once. We brought him dinner, but he didn’t touch it. He refuses to leave.

                Levi eyed the slumped figure in the chair next to the bed as he set off down the hallway. “Not much impresses me these days…but that friendship gives me hope. I'll be back in a few hours to relieve you."

 

* * *

 

               

                It was close to midnight. The candle was guttering on the last vestiges of its wick, casting a flickering light on the boy curled up on the chair. Reiner tossed and turned in his sleep. His eyelids flickered back and forth in his head, while his hands twitched instinctively. He was seeing it all again, helpless to act.

He was standing with the other members of the reformed Levi Squad. Opposite them, Annie and Berthdolt in their Titan forms loomed overhead. In slow-motion, Reiner could see Annie’s Titan hand rushing towards him, steaming flesh balled into an enormous fist growing closer, inch by inch. But his legs refused to move, no matter how his brain screamed, and all he could do was wait for the inevitable impact that would no doubt, end his life.

                And then suddenly, there was Connie, panic evident in his wide eyes, sprinting towards Reiner, his arms outstretched. Reiner could tell the soldiers intent, but he was powerless to stop the boy. _Please,_ Reiner prayed _, not again._

The Titans fist and the small soldier continued their measured pace towards the frozen boy. Reiner stared at his ally, his friend, silently pleading with him to stop, to save himself. But Connie never hesitated or deviated from the path. He reached Reiner, and began to push him out of the oncoming attack. Reiner could see the muscles in Connie’s arms tensing, as he threw all of his weight into shoving Reiner back. Reiner’s mind thrashed in panic, trying to force his body to resist, but it was too late. He was pushed out of the Titan’s punch. A smile of relief slowly crept its way up Connie’s, crimping the edges of his cheeks to reveal his small dimpled smile as the fist loomed before him, moments from impact. He mouthed two words to Reiner.

                “ _Be safe.”_

And then the fist collided. Reiner could see the impact of every bone in Connie’s body gradually bending farther and farther into the punch, before slowly fracturing and shattering throughout his body, beneath his skin; Connie going limp, his eyes rolling back into his head, as the force of the punch launched him through the air, barreling towards the trees-

                “NO!”

                Reiner sprang awake from his chair, eyes darting in all directions, his breath caught in his throat. His eyes slowly adapted to the darkness of the room as he tried to make sense of his whereabouts. He gulped several lungful’s of air, and tried to calm himself. _It was just a dream. Just a-_

And then out of the corner of his eye, he saw Connie. Lying motionless in the bed, the slight whisper of his breath the only indication that he was alive. Reiner stared at the broken remnants of his friend, and reality caught up to him again. With a tortured groan, Reiner collapsed beside Connie’s bed, squeezing the rough woolen sheets until his knuckles turned white as hot tears spilled from his eyes. _All my fault, it’s all my fault…_

                A thin cough startled Reiner from the bedside. He jumped to his feet, staring at his friend, his eyes damp but alert at the sudden movement from the bed. Connie coughed again, and then let out a feeble moan.

                “Connie?” Reiner whispered, inching closer to the bedside.

                Connie moaned again, but then his eyes slowly began to open. Only one of them; the other eye was completely swollen shut, it was a macabre mixture of blotched green and black.

                “Mhmmwhe-“ he stopped in a violent fit of coughing, his voice dry and cracking from exhaustion.

                Reiner quickly turned, and grabbed the pitcher of water from the table, and hastily poured a glass. “Connie, it’s me, Reiner. Drink this.”

                Reiner tentatively reached out, and clasped the back of Connie’s head with his hand to steady him. He could feel the bumps and scrapes along the nape of his neck, as he firmly secured his grip.  After the coughing subsided, he slowly tipped the cup in his other hand, letting a small trickle of clear water flow through Connie’s chapped lips. Reiner’s hands were shaking so hard, that some of the water sloshed onto Connie’s face. Connie coughed and spluttered, but seemed to come around, as his one good eye began to focus on the taller boy.

                “R-Reiner?” Connie’s voice was just a murmur, but Reiner could hear the relief in Connie’s tone. “You’re safe…I’m glad…”

                “I’m right here Connie, you’re going to be fine!” Reiner exclaimed as he poured another dribble of water into Connie’s mouth. He winced at the visible effort it took Connie to swallow, but he managed to get the water down. “Where…?”

                “We’re back at Headquarters. In the infirmary wing.” Reiner faltered and looked down. “You saved me…you pushed me out of Annie’s punch…you saved us all.”

                Connie tried to give a small smile, but winced in pain at the effort. “Everyone’s safe?”

                Reiner returned the feeble grin. “Everyone’s fine. Just relax.”

                Reiner gave Connie another sip of water, and the two boys were quiet. Reiner thought he had fallen back asleep. But then Connie spoke again quietly. “It’s bad, isn’t it?”

                “What?”

                “My injuries. It’s bad.”

                Reiner set the water down, and placed his hand on Connie’s shoulder. “The doctors are going to be doing more tests; you’ll be fine in no time.”

                Connie let his gaze drop to Reiner’s hand, gently resting on his arm. A single tear slid down Connie’s face. “I can’t feel your hand.”

                The room felt colder at those words. Reiner trembled, but kept his hand steady, squeezing even harder. “It doesn’t matter if you can’t feel it. It’s there, and it’ll always be there for you.”

                Connie looked up, his eyes wet, but there was a peaceful expression on his face. “I know,” he said softly.

                The tears were beginning to flow down Reiner’s face again. He sank to the bed, burying his face in the boy’s chest, sobbing into the bandages that wrapped intricately around Connie’s body. Despite the still body, it was warm, and he could hear the rhythmical beating of Connie’s heart; a soft but soothing tempo that reminded Reiner that his friend was still here.

                “Why’d you do it Connie? You didn’t have to put yourself in danger for me, why’d you risk yourself for me?” Reiner choked on the words, his guilt too much for him to bear. Teardrops stained the white gauze as Reiner let all of his sadness take control, a rattling scream of anguish muffled into his friends battered chest.

                He lay there, trembling with a mixture of pent-up emotions and exhaustion. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Connie; he didn’t deserve the musty air that he sucked into his lungs.

                “Because… I care about you.”

                Reiner stiffened. He couldn’t recall a single time in his life that someone had said they cared about him. He felt a slight flutter in his chest. He slowly raised his head, staring up into Connie’s eyes. “Why?”

                Connie smiled down at him, emotion adding a tremor to his already weakened voice. “I’m an idiot, remember?”

                “I don’t understand.”

                Connie sighed heavily. “I wasn’t supposed to join the Scouting Legion. I was going to join the Military Police. It would’ve finally given my family some pride in me. But after meeting you, and everyone else, I couldn’t walk away from all of it. I look and see the things you do, and it amazes me Reiner. You can rally and comfort people in ways that I never could.” Reiner shifted, slightly embarrassed, but Connie kept going.

“How many times have you saved me now? How many times have you gotten me out of trouble? Don’t you get it? I couldn’t hide behind the walls and do nothing for the rest of my life. Not after the sacrifices you and everyone else made. And I didn’t…no…I couldn’t  live behind the walls anymore. I wanted to be with all of you. I wanted to be like you; to make a difference.”

                Reiner looked deep into Connie’s green eyes. All he could see was genuine concern and love. The flutter in his chest became an aching pain threatening to tear right out of his chest. Memories of the past three years appeared in front of him. Everywhere he looked, Connie was there, sometimes the center of attention, making everyone laugh with his antics. Other times, he was silent, allowing others the chance to vent their frustrations, or merely keeping someone company, usually Reiner. That had always been Connie’s specialty. While he could be the life of the party, he also knew when someone needed a shoulder to lean on; someone to confide in, and was always willing to take the time to be there for his friends.

                All was quiet in the room. Reiner didn’t know what to say, he stared at his hands, marveling at how fortunate he was to have friends like Connie. But a quiet sob jerked Reiner’s head up, and back to his friend, horrified to see tears spilling down his face. “Connie what’s wrong, are you-“

                Connie cut him off, trying to force the words out through the sobs. “It’s…it’s the end for me isn’t it? There’s no recovering from this! I can’t do anything for you, I can’t move, can’t walk or eat or touch or…God I really am an idiot aren’t I?” Connie tried to rally himself, but couldn’t stop crying. “I can’t do anything anymore. I’m a burden to you all!”

                For a moment, he lay there, no sound but his own shaking sobs. Then he felt a warm touch caressing his face. He looked up through tear-stricken eyes to see Reiner wiping away his tears. Back and forth, Reiner gently rubbed his palm against the younger boys face, coaxing the salty droplets with his smooth hands, his face soft and pained as he spoke.

               “Don’t ever call yourself a burden. Without you, the 104th has no heart, no soul. Because that’s what you do Connie, you give us all hope of a better tomorrow.”

                Connie sniffled, but relaxed, resting his head back on the pillow, allowing Reiner to keep wiping his face. “Thank you,” he quietly murmured. He looked exhausted from the outburst.

                “Just rest Connie, I’ll be here,” Reiner whispered, still softly stroking his cheek. He kept at it, until Connie’s eyes closed, and his breathing slowed to an even pace. When he was sure that the boy was sleeping, Reiner slumped down onto Connie’s chest. As the thought of sleep pushed into his mind, he grasped one of Connie’s hands before drifting off into unconsciousness. He wasn’t leaving him. Ever.

 

* * *

 

 

                Hanji looked down at the two soldiers, unable to keep the small smile off her face. “They look so peaceful.”

                Levi rolled his eyes, but handed the blankets to Hanji, who draped them over the two boys, blissfully unaware of their circumstances. She tenderly tucked the corners in, before standing back up. “What should we do next?”

                Levi contemplated her question for a moment before answering. “I’m calling a brief suspension of my squad for a week. The rest of the 104th will take shifts ‘guarding’ Braun.”

                Hanji nodded as they exited the room, quietly shutting the door behind them. “A good excuse. They all need time to heal. Physically and emotionally.”

                The two commanders continued down the hall. Arriving at Levi’s room, he turned to Hanji. “Is there any hope for Springer making a full recovery? Anything at all?”

                Hanji looked at Levi sadly. “I’ll do everything I can, but I just don’t know. I’m sorry.”


	2. Breakfast and Bedlam

The fist drew nearer, each skinless finger dwarfing his own body in comparison. Closer and closer, it moved, mere inches from Reiner’s face when-

_“Be safe.”_

Reiner awoke violently from sleep, thrashing in a blind panic. He had been there again, watching it happen. The shadowy forest was suddenly gone, the dusty hospital room taking its place. Sunlight was dancing through the dusty glass, and he could hear birds chirping in the nearby trees. Reiner clutched his head, willing the nightmare back into the depths of his mind. After a moment, the visions faded back into the darkness, and Reiner was able to look up.

He was lying on a makeshift bed on the floor of the room, Connie’s bed right above him. Quietly, Reiner hoisted himself off the floor, grunting in annoyance at his sore muscles. He took a moment to stretch his aching back before turning to check on Connie.

Reiner blanched. The shadows of last night had hidden the true extent of Connie’s injuries. But with the morning light, he saw it all. There were enormous bruises all over his body, where skin showed through the bandages and gauze; mottled and blemished in every color. Connie’s left side was completely bandaged, with only his eye uncovered to give it air. Besides his left eye, the rest of face was only mildly scraped and scratched, but the full scope of his wounds was too much for Reiner. He slowly lowered himself into the chair, forcing himself to closely inspect the wounds. Even with the layer of bandages, Reiner could see distortions to the young boys frame. In some places, bumps of fragmented bone rose in irregular patterns, pressing against the skin, and raising the bandages, while other areas appeared to be caved in, letting the gauze slightly droop.

But even after seeing the wounds, the aching pain that Reiner had felt from last night felt…dulled somehow. Reiner thought back to last night, hearing Connie speak, seeing the relief in his eyes when he looked at him. He looked at the sleeping soldier, how peaceful he looked compared to last night.

Reiner leaned back in his chair, only to spring up when a low gurgle erupted from his stomach. He looked down, and winced at the dull pang in his belly. He vaguely remembered turning down dinner last night. He swore under his breath, cursing his pettiness.

“I thought I heard you getting up.”

Reiner turned, and there was Sasha walking through the doorway, her dark brown hair tied back in her signature ponytail, balancing two trays of food. He hadn’t seen her since the battle. She smiled as she set the trays down. “How’re you doin-”

Her eyes widened as Reiner suddenly moved, catching her in a tight hug. Reiner’s voice was muffled against her hair as he squeezed her, lifting her off her feet, as he murmured his thanks. “If…if you hadn’t caught Connie…I…don’t know what I-“

Sasha relaxed as Reiner lowered her back to the ground, and hugged the taller boy back. She then gently pushed Reiner off of her and back into his chair. “And if you hadn’t chased off Annie and Berthdolt, we’d all be dead. I did what any one of us would do. There’s no need for thanks.” She gazed pointedly at him for a few moments, before allowing her features to soften. “Now eat. I heard your stomach halfway down the hallway.”

She briskly pushed the wooden tray toward Reiner, who picked it up hesitantly. It was fresh wheat bread with butter, jam, and a glass of milk. After a brief moment, he abandoned all pretenses, and began to put Sasha to shame with the speed that he devoured the meal. Sasha watched, a smile playing on her lips. “There’s more if you need it.”

Reiner gave a thankful smile, before chugging the milk, letting the opaque liquid wash down the last vestiges of breadcrumbs from his mouth. Sighing with contentment, he wiped his face, and placed the glass back on the table. “Is that one yours?” he asked, gesturing to the tray with a simple bowl of steaming oatmeal.

Sasha shook her head, as she stirred the contents to slightly cool it. “This is for Connie. Hanji said solid foods aren’t the best for him right now, so I was going to feed him when he wakes up.”

Reiner immediately pulled the tray closer to him. “I can do it for you.”

Sasha stopped stirring, and raised her eyebrows. “Are you sure? I’d be more than happy to do it...”

She trailed off when she saw the guilty expression on Reiner’s face. She was silent for a moment. “You care about him a lot, don’t you?” she said quietly.

Reiner wasn’t expecting this, coming from Sasha. She and Connie were pretty much inseparable, always getting into trouble, but always covering each other’s backs when things got serious. Why was she so questioning all of the sudden?

“I mean, he’s my best friend, and he saved me,” Reiner said hastily, doing his best not to make eye-contact with Sasha, unsure why this conversation suddenly felt so awkward.

 Sasha was quiet, but her eyes widened, as if she had just realized something. After a moment, she smiled at Reiner. “Sure, I’ll leave this here with you. I have to go finish my drills for the day anyway; I can get them done now, and be back later.”

Reiner gave her a grateful smile. “Thank you.” There was a brief lull of quiet, until Reiner tried to awkwardly break the silence. “Anyways, you’d probably eat it all before he wakes up anyway!”

“Oh I’m not hungry.”

Reiner had to pause to let those simple words sink in. He and the rest of the squad had always joked about it, but the jokes were based on facts; and one of them was that Sasha was always hungry. It was a part of her as much as her arm or leg. He remembered a week when she had caught a stomach bug, couldn’t keep any food down, but still forced herself to eat through the pain.

 Reiner looked back at Sasha. Maybe it was just the excitement of seeing her that it hadn’t registered to him at first, but Reiner could now see the dark circles under the young girl’s eyes; the pale skin, the shifting movements of her hands. “Sasha…are you all right?”

Sasha blinked absent-mindedly, before snapping back to reality. “What? No, no I’m fine, just a bit tired is all; I gotta go, make sure Connie eats it all!” With that, Sasha slipped out of the room before Reiner could say anything else. He slowly sat back down in the chair, realizing that he wasn’t the only one having difficulties coming to terms with Connie’s injuries. And then there was that pause from Sasha earlier. _You care about him a lot don’t you?_ What had that been about?

A slight movement from the bed caught Reiner’s attention. Connie was shifting slightly, starting to come to. Reiner waited quietly, letting Connie slowly regain consciousness on his own. After a few more coughs and groans, Connie cracked open his good eye.

“Morning.”

Connie cleared his throat, and managed a feeble “Morning.”

Reiner reached over, and picked up the bowl of oatmeal from the tray. “Sasha brought by some breakfast. Are you hungry at all?”

Connie frowned while muffling another cough. “Not really, but I probably need it.” He eyed the hallway distractedly. “Is Sasha around?”

“She had some training to finish, but she’ll be back later,” Reiner said as he placed the oatmeal on the table in front of Connie. The two boys looked at each other. Connie raised an eyebrow.

It took a moment for it to dawn on Reiner what he’d done, his face flushing as he snatched the bowl back up. “Shit! Sorry man, I forgot.”

Connie gave a small laugh; a genuine laugh this time. “It’s ok. Hell, I forgot too.”

Reiner fumbled for the spoon, fervently wishing that the ground would swallow him up where he stood. _Nice one Braun, hand a bowl of oatmeal to your paralyzed friend, you massive idiot._

Finally successful in arming himself with the utensil, Reiner took a spoonful of the warm porridge. Connie opened his mouth, waiting for the food. Reiner made eye contact with Connie, and the two of them simultaneously blushed. In his attempt to overcompensate for the initial awkwardness, Reiner overshot a bit, catching the back of Connie’s throat with the spoon, leading to another fit of coughing and spluttering. “Oh god, Connie, I’m sorry! Are you ok?” Reiner exclaimed, the slight flush on his face nearing a dangerous heated crimson, as he frantically patted the choking boy on the back.

 “And I thought _I_ was the practical joker around here,” Connie wheezed.

Reiner took a few breaths, forcing himself to relax. His second attempt, while slower, was much better, and the two boys lapsed into silence, save for the chewing sounds from Connie as Reiner dutifully fed him every bite. After the last bit of oatmeal had been scraped from the sides, Reiner shoved the bowl back to the table with a sigh of relief.

Connie licked a bit of missed porridge from the side of his mouth, a shadow of his old smirk slowly forming. “Worn out already? I guess it _is_ a pretty tough job.”

“Fuck you,” Reiner shot back, but allowed a smile, glad to see a bit of old Connie. “Is it sitting well?”

Connie nodded. “I think so, but it’s kind of hard to tell when you can’t feel it anymore.”

Reiner looked down at his feet. Connie noticed and quickly piped up. “But, Reiner? Thanks. I mean, I know it’s gotta be weird doing something like this,” Connie let the though trail off, looking away to try to hide mask the returning blush.

Reiner shook his head, feeling slightly abashed for feeling ashamed, when Connie must have been feeling ten times worse. “It’s not weird, and there’s no problem. I’ll just take it easy next time.”

A knock at the door jerked Reiner’s head around, to see Commander Levi, dapper as ever, stepping through the doorway. Reiner quickly rose to his feet, making the traditional salute.

“Oh sit down,” the soldier waved dismissively to Reiner, as he stepped further into the room. “There’s no need for any of that here.”

Reiner slowly lowered himself back into the chair, as the Levi leveled his gaze at Connie. It was a pointed stare, but a kind one. “How are you feeling Springer? Any pain?”

“Nothing, Squad Leader. I have a bit of a cough, but I don’t feel any real pain.”

Levi snorted, “I’m sure most people end up with a ‘slight cough’ when their rib cages are demolished.” His gaze shifted to Reiner, completely missing the look of shock on Connie’s face. “I came to inform you that the Levi Squad is currently suspended from active duty; right now their only task will be taking shifts “guarding” you, Braun.”

“Guarding me?”

Levi sighed. “Think about it Braun, it’s just an excuse for everyone to recuperate without fear of deployment. Erwin, Hanji, and I know where your loyalty lies, this is just giving Springer time to heal, and you as a platoon to recover.”

Reiner nodded, grateful to the superior officers for their support. “Thank you sir.”

Levi slightly inclined his head, his version of a nod. “Don’t think that this exempts you from training. I’ll give you today off, but I expect you to complete the standard two hours, starting tomorrow.

“But-“

“That’s _final_ Braun,” Levi said as he began exit the room. “You’ll also be training with Jaeger. Now that you’ve displayed your abilities, we’ll need to start practicing on refining them. Levi paused at the door, shooting a dark look Reiner’s way. “And take a shower Braun. You’re _filthy._ ”

Reiner stared after the retreating captain, feeling slightly self-conscious. But he hadn’t really focused on anything but Connie since the attack, and he was starting to smell a bit. Reiner reluctantly stood up. “Will you be all right for a bit? I’ll be right back, I promise.”

Connie managed another smile, a bit wider this time. “Go on, I’m not going anywhere. Besides, Sasha should be back soon. She’ll keep me company ‘till you’re back.”

Reiner gave him a pat on the shoulder. “Then I’ll be back in a bit,” he said, as he finally exited the room. He took one last look back at Connie. The boy was craning his neck, trying to catch a glimpse of the outside, before dejectedly letting his head flop back onto the pillow with a stifled sigh. Reiner forced himself to continue down the hallway, his heart sinking slightly.

 

* * *

 

The scalding water felt amazing on Reiner’s sweaty body. Reiner just stood there, appreciating the pressure of the water pressure on his shoulders, soothing his aches and pains. Normally Reiner was a fast bather, and would be in and out before most of the other cadets had gotten halfway through their wash. But this time, Reiner relaxed, allowing himself a brief reprieve from all of the conflicting thoughts and feelings running through his head. Just him, and the warm steamy room.

When Reiner finally stepped out of the shower, he found a fresh set of clothes laid out for him. He quickly toweled off, and set off down the hall at a brisk pace, pulling the woven green shirt over his head. The shirt wasn’t his normal size, and Reiner continued to stumble down the hall with his head stuck halfway through the wrong shirtsleeve. He extricated his head and finally got this shirt on properly while rounding the corner, to almost collide with Hanji, nearly upsetting the basin of water she was lugging.

“By the Wall, Braun, slow down!” Hanji said, wiping her sweaty brow as she plopped the bucket down with a distinct grunt.

“Sorry ma’am!” Reiner apologized, reaching down to grab the bucket from her. “Let me help you with this!”

Hanji brightened at the offer, seemingly forgetting all about the near-collision. “Well thank you! I was actually taking this to Springer’s room; they’ve been redoing some of his bandages, and wanted to give him a sponge bath to keep the wounds as clean as possible. If you’ll be there tonight, I’ll leave that to you!” Hanji scampered down the hall before Reiner could say anything, yelling over her shoulder, “I’ll send some food up for you later!”

Reiner stood still in the middle of the hall, feeling a bit strange. It was one thing to feed Connie earlier, but _bathing_ him? A familiar flutter entered Reiner’s chest, the same kind that he had felt the night before when looking into Connie’s eyes; hearing and seeing the love and concern from that boy…

Reiner reddened, as he set off down the hall with the basin, trying to stop the thoughts and emotions swirling around in his head. Thoughts that he couldn’t easily explain.


	3. Physical and Emotional Therapy

Reiner sensed something off as he re-entered the room. Sasha was nowhere to be seen; instead, a Scouting Legion doctor was bustling around the room, muttering to himself. Connie was suspended in some sort of protective harness a foot or two of the ground that held his body in place as the bandages were being changed. Most of the dressings from his chest and shoulders had been removed, and Reiner was able to see the myriad color of the bruises that covered his torso.

The doctor looked up, annoyance registering on his face. “Ah, have you been tasked by Commander Hanji for this?” he asked, eyeing Reiner up and down, his skepticism evident.

Reiner took another step into the room, setting down the water bucket. “Yes sir, I’m here to assist in any way I can.”

The doctor had already turned away, poring over his notes. Abruptly, he stuffed the folders into his jacket, and turned back to Reiner. “Wash the wounds, and rebind the bandages.” The doctor grunted, and stepped out of the room, leaving Reiner and Connie alone.

Reiner eyed the doorway, feeling somewhat insulted by the way that the doctor had been acting. Shaking his head, he sat down in the chair. “Hey, I’m back.”

“Hey,” Connie mumbled.

Connie’s voice was unnaturally high-pitched; a tell-tale sign of something bothering him, as the higher tone only came out in extremely stressful situations.  His eyes were wide, and focused intently on a point beyond the opposite wall, his mouth clenched tightly as if he was trying to say something, but continually biting back the urge.

“Connie, what is it? What’s wrong?” Reiner asked tentatively, keeping his voice quiet.

Connie violently jerked his head away, avoiding Reiner’s gaze. “It’s nothing. Nothing…”

Reiner eyed Connie, and after a pause, relented reluctantly. He knew something was wrong, but he wasn’t going to help matters by forcing it out of him. He placed a washcloth in the basin, wringing it out with fresh water. Reiner eyed Connie, mentally chiding himself for being so hesitant. Slowly, Reiner raised the damp cloth, and began to gently wash Connie’s shoulders.

Connie made a muffled grunt, and Reiner balked for a moment, before pressing on. Back and forth, Reiner slowly made his way down the shoulders and arms, the chest and sides, doing his best to be as gentle as possible. As he worked, he couldn’t help but notice that despite the extent of the injuries, how strong Connie felt. He could feel the coiled muscles in his arms and shoulders.  Connie may have been one of the smallest soldiers in the Survey Corps, but he was lean and wiry. Every inch of him was compact muscle. He could feel a few of his old battle scars too…

 Reiner froze and looked down, realizing that he had been unconsciously tracing a pattern on Connie’s back with his hand, the washcloth forgotten. Reiner flushed at the realization; it had felt so relaxing; so warm and inviting. Reiner quickly resumed work, afraid of being discovered, but Connie didn’t seem to notice.

Reiner had just begun working on the back of his head, when Connie began muttering. But it was so soft that Reiner couldn’t pick any of it up.

Reiner tried to ignore it, continuing his work, but Connie’s muttering began to increase in volume.

_“Phalanges of the left feet, compound fracture. 50% chance of full recovery.”_

Reiner shook his head, trying to clear his ears to make sense of the words, still only catching a handful.

_“Left and right sections of ribcage, compound fracture. 75% chance of full recovery”._

This was sounding similar to an anatomy lesson from camp.

_“Three out of five metacarpals of the left hand amputated. 0% chance of full recovery”._

Reiner suddenly started. He looked up, eyes wide, the realization dawning on him. _That doctor, did he-_

_“ **Thoracic vertebrae shattered. 0% chance of full recovery. Indefinite quadriplegia** ”._

“Connie!” Reiner yelled, trying to interrupt the boy.

Connie thrashed his head, his eyes suddenly full of panic and despair. “He told me Reiner! He told me all of it!” Connie whimpered. “He went down a list of everything wrong, and the odds, and I-I don’t…” Connie stopped, wheezing for air.

Reiner immediately scrambled onto the bed, and grasped Connie’s head with both hands, trying to keep him still. “Connie, listen to me! You have to calm down, you need to stop!” Reiner pleaded.

But Connie’s eyes were back to darting in every direction, seemingly unable to focus on Reiner. He started to scream his injuries, his strained voice cracking at the exertion.

**_“MICROFRACTURES OF THE PELIVS AND SACRUM. 45% CHANCE OF FULL RECOVERY!”_ **

“Connie, please!” Reiner yelled, fear welling up inside of him. He had to calm him down, he knew his body couldn’t handle this kind of breakdown in its current condition; he had to think of something, but what-

**_“GANGRENE OF THE RIGHT LEG. 50% CHANCE OF NECESSARY AMPUTATION!”_ **

“CONNIE!” Reiner sobbed, tightening his grip on the boys head. Something had to-

And in a fit of desperation, Reiner raised Connie’s face, and kissed him.

It wasn’t a gentle peck, more like a head-butt, but it worked. Connie stared at Reiner in shock through tear-stained eyes. Reiner himself couldn’t believe what he had just done. But he could feel the tension and emotion in Connie’s body, reverberating through him, aching to break out. So he matched the energy, and returned it within the kiss; trying to convey his feelings and concern for his friend without words, but in action.

At first it seemed as if Connie was resisting. He could feel the quiver of his lips, and hear his muffled voice trying to fight it, but after a few seconds, Connie softly moaned and relented; allowing the tension to slip away. But he was unable to stop the dry sobs that racked his throat. Reiner was crying now too, forcing back his own grief-stricken tears.

Reiner broke the kiss, pulling back, hastily wiping his face, an apology forming on his lips. “I’m sorry, Connie, I shouldn’t have-“

“I’m scared, Reiner.” Connie whispered, but Reiner immediately closed his mouth to listen. “I’m so scared of tomorrow…of this life I have to live.”

Reiner  hesitantly scooted closer to the boy, trying to measure his words carefully amidst the chaos that he could feel aching to burst out of him. “I’m scared too. Connie, I can’t even imagine what it must feel like. But you’ve got to fight. Please…if you’re gone, I…I don’t know what I’ll do.”

Connie took several deep breaths, and appeared to calm himself. He looked up again, not quite meeting Reiner’s eye. “Did you…mean it? That kiss I mean…”

 “Yeah. Yeah, I meant it.” Reiner could hear the words coming out of his mouth, but instead of panic or shame, a wave of peace washed over him, wiping away all of the thoughts and fears that had plagued him over the past few days.

The realization of his words finally caught up to him, and Reiner froze in the taut silence of the room. He shot a panicked look at Connie, afraid of his reaction. “Are-are you ok with it?”

Connie gave a watery smile. “It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

The final balloon of stress inside of Reiner deflated, and the tall soldier, breathed an enormous sigh of relief. Suddenly feeling uncharacteristically brazen, Reiner hesitated for a moment, before leaning in for another kiss. Unlike the panic of the first one, it was gentle, softly brushing lips, quietly sharing a moment of intimacy and love in the face of the unknown. Reiner tenderly ran his fingers over Connie’s scalp, feeling the soft bristles of his usually clean-shaven head. This time, Connie weakly pushed back into the kiss, catching Reiner by surprise, but filling him with a raw sense of joy. He loved the sensation of their anxious breaths mixing together in one another’s throats, feeling the contours of his mouth against Connie’s. Reiner closed his eyes, losing himself in the happiness of the kiss, his lips lightly passing over the bridge of Connie’s mouth. He felt nothing but bliss.

Reiner finally broke away, gasping for air. He quickly got back up, and set about re-bandaging the rest of Connie’s wounds as he regained his breath, not even attempting to hide the warm glow in his cheeks, or the bashful grin on his face. He kept shooting quick glances at Connie, who smiled with a bemused expression on his face whenever their eyes met. This continued for some time, before Reiner cleared his throat, pointedly staring out the window. “So did you know that I was, well, that I was…”

“Gay?” Connie finished the question for him. Reiner paused and focused attention back on Connie. “Yeah.”

It was Connie’s turn to blush. “I…well, I woke up when we were all trapped in Castle Utguard. I heard you and Ymir talking behind the door…and even an idiot like me couldn’t miss that one.”

Reiner laughed a bit too energetically, mostly from the pent-up relief of seeing Connie acting a bit like his old self.

“How did you know about me?” Connie asked quizzically.

Reiner grinned apologetically. “I didn’t, actually.”

Connie stared at him, a mixture of disbelief, incredulity, and respect on his face. “You didn’t know? And you still went for it? Damn, Reiner, you’re fearless.”

Reiner shook his head. “My first thought was just getting you to calm down. Nothing was working, so…” he let the sentence trail off, fidgeting with the roll of gauze. “To be honest, I always thought you were gonna end up with Sasha; you two were always so close, and did everything together.”

Connie nodded. “A lot of people thought that. But we’re more like siblings at heart. We never had…feelings like that for each other. Not to say we don’t have feelings for each other, but not the kind that-”

Reiner smiled. “No, I know what you mean. You’re lucky to have someone like her.”

“Yeah. But I’m even luckier to have you.”

Reiner shifted slightly, feeling self-conscious of the boy’s words. “I’m nothing special Connie.”

Connie stared back at him challengingly. “I said it the other night. Reiner, from day one, you were watching out for me. Always keeping me on the right track, giving advice, and help whenever I needed it. That meant a lot to me then, and it means even more now. You have a gift Reiner, a gift that can change the outcome of this war. You are th-the most extra-ordinary kind of special that I know of! So don’t ever say that you’re nothing special. You’re special to ME.” Connie lay back, taking a deep breath after his rant.

Reiner looked down, smiling softly. “I can say the same things about you.”

Connie still managed to make a derisive snort. “As if.”

Reiner finished up the last of the bandaging, and sat back with a sigh. “No, listen. I might be able to rally people, and lead them. But that’s only half of the battle. Then there’s the ability to listen. To know _when_ to listen. There are so many damn times that I’ve completely cut someone off, when what they really needed to do was to get something off of their chest. And that’s where you came in. Always willing to be a shoulder to lean on, always an ear to listen. You had a kind word, or a joke to make people forget the hell that we’re in. You Connie…you’re the heart and soul of the squad.”

The room was silent. The two boys staring at each other, with the utmost respect for one another. Connie finally broke the silence. “I am pretty good at jokes.”

“The best.” Reiner grinned. He stared at the newly-wrapped bandages. “Does it feel right?”

Connie looked down, doing his best to examine Reiner’s handiwork. “I think it’s good. Can’t really feel to tell, but I trust you.”

“Cool. Just let me know if anything hurts.”

“Well,” Connie started, “Could you stay here tonight? I know it’s a pain…but after all of this, I-“

“Of course,” Reiner cut him off. “I was planning on staying as long as you needed me.”

Reiner slowly undid the harness, moving underneath Connie in the process, and gently lowered him from the harness into his lap on the bed, until his head easily rested on Reiner’s chest. Reiner began to softly massage Connie’s scalp, letting his fingers gently knead his forehead in a slow rhythm. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Reiner continued to softly speak words of encouragement to Connie as the world continued to bustle outside the window, seemingly unaffected from what had just happened in that dusty hospital room. He could hear the sound of soldiers practicing in their gear in the distance, and the clatter of dishes coming from the mess hall. But none of that mattered to him right now. Because in the midst of the pain and despair, the two of them had accidentally stumbled upon something truly precious.


	4. Transformation

Reiner awoke to see a pair of shiny black boots right in front of his face. Suppressing a yawn, he gazed up blearily to make eye contact with none other than Commander Levi, his expression frosty. With a thrill of horror, Reiner quickly attempted to rise to properly salute the officer, but his legs tangled in the blankets from his bed on the floor, and he ended up keeling over onto his face, his rear pointed resolutely towards the ceiling. He extricated his head from the blankets to stare frantically at Levi, whose expression had  remained unchanged.

 

“You have 45 seconds to improve my mood Braun.” Levi growled coldly, before sweeping out of the hospital room with a flurry of green. Reiner stared at the doorway before he noticed the sunlight streaming through the window. Reiner blinked. Sunlight. Morning.  _Practice._

 

Reiner swore, as he tore off the covers, searching frantically for his clothes. Looking up, he saw his shirt propped on a hanger above Connie's bed. He quickly reached up to snag it, accidentally catching a glass beaker from the stand as the shirt pushed it off the edge of the counter. The beaker made a loud crunching noise as it smashed on the floor. Reiner swore again, turning to see if it had woken Connie. But the boy was nowhere to be seen. His bed was empty.

 

Reiner halted for a moment, staring at bed, before remembering the warning Levi had just given him. Resigning himself to find Connie after practice, Reiner took off down the hallway.

 

Reiner raced down the hall, his mind buzzing with questions, as he wove in and out of other soldiers passing by. He was slowly beginning to remember bits of last night, holding Connie, comforting him, Hanji entering with medicine, finally falling asleep. In a rush, Reiner suddenly found himself on the practice field. The regular equipment for exercises had been cleared aside. Instead, he saw two large white chalk circles in the middle of the field as he came to a stop in front of the other members of the Levi Squad.

 

Sasha was perched on a bench, wiping her swords with a polishing cloth. Next to her, Mikasa and Armin were surveying a chart, holding a heated discussion. Eren was deep in conversation with Levi to the side, while Historia and Jean were carrying a box of equipment. The other members looked up at Reiner's arrival, as the side-conversations died. Sasha threw a supportive smile and a wave at Reiner, but several of the other cadets refused to meet Reiner's gaze. Even Historia looked away, blushing deeply as Reiner continued past her towards Levi.

 

“Thank you for making it only 15 seconds late, it's _really_ a treat,” Levi said coolly as he gazed at the disheveled blonde before him.

 

Reiner flushed at the admonishment. “Sorry sir, I delayed because I was unsure of Connie's-”

 

“Springer is having another round of examinations at Hanji’s request, and an attempt at physical therapy; both are things that should not concern you at this time. Do not make a habit of tardiness.” Levi responded abruptly, cutting off Reiner's apology. “Now that you're here, we can begin.”

 

Reiner nodded, although unsure of what exactly they were about to begin. Levi gestured, and began to set off towards the two chalk circles. After a moment, Reiner fell in behind Eren, and the three progressed to the circles.

 

“Today is purely to establish the height, width, and any noticeable distinctions of your shift,” Levi shouted over his back. “The other cadets will be practicing defensive formations that they'll use to protect you and Jaeger during excursions, but for now, we'll just be figuring out basic information about you.”

 

Reiner nodded again, a nervous pit growing in his chest. The last time he had transformed was during the accident. He didn't even remember anything but bits and pieces of the event that would dredge up in his nightmares. He swallowed, and started when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Eren, who had dropped back to walk alongside him; an awkward look on his face.

 

“It'll…be alright. When I first discovered my shifting it was stressful, but eventually I was able to control it. The key is to stay in control throughout the whole ordeal, and to not let your emotions take hold. I'll be here to help you through it any way I can. Just remember to remain calm throughout the whole ordeal, ok?”

 

Reiner forced quick smile. “Yeah…thanks.” Eren turned away and headed towards the other circle, several meters away.

 

“Eren's transformation requires two key components,” Levi spoke from behind Reiner, startling him so he jerked around. “Part of it requires self-harm; just enough to draw blood. The other half is having a definitive goal in mind when you inflict injury. However...” Levi appraised the soldier, as if choosing his words carefully. “I'm told that your transformation did not utilize self-harm.”

 

Reiner nodded quickly, feeling beads of sweat collecting on the bridge of his nose, desperately wanting to swipe his hand over it. “Yes sir, I hadn't been injured at all during the excursion, I only reacted when...when...”

 

He trailed off, still finding it difficult to put Connie's sacrifice into words. Levi hardened his gaze, giving Reiner a moment to collect himself before pushing forward. “Do you remember the emotion or goal you were visualizing when you transformed?”

 

Reiner shook his head. “I didn't...really have a goal in mind. All I could feel was panic, and despair, and-”

 

“And perhaps the fear of losing someone you cared for?” Levi's words interrupted Reiner’s train of thought.

 

“I…yes,” Reiner muttered, looking down.

 “Hanji had mentioned it, that perhaps different shifters transform with alternative methods. So before we try lopping off any limbs or anything, we'll give you some time to try your own method of transformation.”

 

“Will I be safe around the others?” Reiner asked hesitantly, shooting a look at his teammates gathered around the tent.

 

“Don't underestimate them,” Levi growled softly. “Each one of them has been training around the clock, and knows how to react and act around shifters. Eren and I will be here as added protection in case you aren't able to initially retain control.

 

Reiner breathed a small sigh. So there were precautions in place if he went crazy. He felt slightly better, but admittedly not much.

 

“For now, I want you to take your place in the other circle. Try to transform, and remain within the circle. This is just a gauge of height and width, and any other defining traits. Arlet mentioned that you had something like armor on part of your body when you were fighting the Female Titan.”

 

Reiner nodded again, and Levi turned and left, making his way to the other squad-members. After a brief talk, the members took up places all around Eren and Reiner.

 

“Wait for Eren to transform before you give it a try,” Levi called out, as he took his place directly in front of Eren. Without a moment of hesitation, Eren brought his hand up, and bit it violently.

 

The air exploded in an array of flashing iridescent light as the space around Eren smoked and stretched. Reiner couldn't help but shield his eyes from the light-display. When he finally lowered his hand, Eren was gone. In his place, the Rogue Titan towered over the field, its green eyes glinting in the sunlight. His stature was calm but poised, slightly bouncing on the balls of his feet which made a low rumble carry across the field.

 

After a few moments, Eren quieted, and dropped to a sitting position inside his circle. With an enormous hand, he then gestured towards Reiner. Reiner swallowed; his mouth suddenly dry. He could feel an imperceptible shift from Eren to himself. He stared at the ground trying to concentrate on the key to activating his transformation. He could feel the eyes of his teammates, his allies, all silently watching him stand there like a fool in the circle.  _Protect,_  he thought to himself desperately.  _Protect them all, defend them all, save them all..._

 

After a moment he glanced around. Nothing had changed. He was still standing in the circle, still human, and still red-faced with a mixture of stress and embarrassment. Reiner shot a quick look at Levi. He looked as if he had expected this. “Give it one more go before we try Eren's way.”

 

Reiner nodded, and scrunched his eyes shut in concentration. He tried to empty himself of all emotion, save for his single objective. But what was his objective? To fight for his friends. To fight for humanity. To fight for Connie-

 

**_Boom_ **

 

An earth-shattering explosion suddenly engulfed Reiner, as the familiar iridescent light shone all around him, casting spotlights on the back of his eyelids. There was a sensation of something sliding up his legs, his shoulders; a warm engulfing presence. After a few moments, the light faded, as did the thunderclap. Tentatively, Reiner opened his eyes.

 

He was standing, but suddenly the ground was much farther away from him. He could make out the other soldiers that were peering up at him, but there were miniscule, the size of mice, clustered around the field, that seemed much smaller to him now. He stretched out a hand, and saw a massive heap of flesh move at his command; opaque blocks of what appeared to be armor covered the length of his arm.

 

He heard a tiny whizzing sound, and saw Levi zipping up to his shoulder with his 3DMG. Reiner suddenly realized the sloppy movements of his body, and forced himself to stiffen to allow Levi an easy landing. The Commander swirled through the air, and came to a resting point next to Reiner's ear.

 

“Well done Braun. For today, this will be enough. Hanji will take your measurements, and then we'll get you out of there.”

 

Reiner gave what he thought was a small nod of affirmation, nearly throwing Levi off of his neck. Levi glowered for a second, before acquiescing, as another soldier zoomed up to join him. A moment later, Hanji had landed next to Levi. Her eyes were alight with excitement as she gingerly stepped over one of the blocks of armor surrounding his neck. “Glorious Reiner, just glorious! We'll have your measurements taken quickly, and you'll be back to normal in no time!”

 

Reiner stared at the woman, as she began writing feverishly onto a clipboard, a thought nagging the back of his head. Hadn't Levi mentioned that Hanji was overseeing Connie's examinations? Tentatively, Reiner opened his mouth. “ **Ccccccooooriii**.”

 

Hanji leapt in surprise at the bellowing roar that emitted from Reiner's Titan form, jerking around so quickly her glasses almost flew off her head. “By the Wall Reiner what-wait....are you trying to speak?”

 

Hanji's anger was quickly dissipating replaced by an even more maddening gaze. She danced back and forth, the quintessence of excitement. “Go on try to say it again! Again, again!”

 

Reiner slowly wiggled his throat, trying to force it to work correctly before trying again. “ **Cccoooonnnnnieee**.”

 

Hanji blinked. “Did...did you say  _Connie_?”

 

Reiner slowly nodded, taking care not to fling her off as he almost did to Levi. Hanji blinked again, a funny expression on her face. After a moment, she stepped forward, reaching up to touch Reiner's ear. “We had tried to get Eren's Titan form to speak, but his mouth structure made it impossible...you have the ability to speak, same as Ymir...interesting...”

 

She looked away for a moment, before seeming to remember the reason that Reiner had spoken. “I already finished my examinations of Connie. He's back in his room now. You can see him after this.”

 

Reiner tried to shoot a questioning gaze at the woman, but his appearance just made him look even more threatening. Haltingly, he stuttered, “ **Annnyyy....cchhaaaannngggg**?”

 

At this, Hanji hesitated, and dropped her gaze realizing what he was asking. “I'm sorry Reiner. I've looked at everything again and again. I don't think there's anything else I can do to help him recover. He's stable, but that's as good as we're going to get.”

 

Those quiet sympathetic words hit harder than any punch, any attack that Reiner had ever felt in his life. He knew that the doctor yesterday had given Connie a very dark prognosis. But to hear it spoken so apologetically from someone he trusted was too much for him. He could feel the ground rumble as his shoulders began to shake, the massive muscles heaving with emotion. Hanji and Levi noticed this and quickly descended to the ground, as Reiner slumped into a sitting position within his circle.

 

He could feel tears beginning to fall from his eyes, and heard the loud thump of the massive droplets as they hit the ground. He drew his legs up to his chest, and sat there in his sadness, not caring about how ridiculous he must look; an enormous destructive Titan in the fetal position. He could hear tiny sounds of the soldiers on the ground, but he ignored them.  _It's still my fault,_  he thought bitterly to himself. Nothing Connie said would change it. He was the one that had frozen up. He was the one that had to be saved. He-

 

A low thud jolted Reiner out of his thoughts. He looked around to see Erens Titan form lowering itself into a sitting position next to Reiner in his circle. The Titan slowly raised one its enormous hands, and awkwardly patted Reiner's shoulder. Eren gave a slight squeeze, doing his very best to be comforting to the massive behemoth.

 

Eren stayed like that for several minutes, one enormous arm draped over Reiner's gigantic frame, as Reiner attempted to calm himself. Through watery eyes, he could see huge pockmarks of dead vegetation where his fiery tears had dropped; effectively burning everything it came into contact with. Hanji was examining the patches, as Moblit desperately pulled her aside as another tear crashed into the spot she had just been standing. Finally, Reiner pulled himself together, and shrugged Eren's arm off. He nodded curtly to Eren, who stood up, understanding, and made his way back to his own circle. Levi stepped forward warily. “That's all for today Braun, see if you can change back now.”

 

Reiner stared at Levi blankly. Everything he had been worried about was about the transformation  _into_  the Titan, not the reverse. He had no idea how to turn human again. He twisted his head, trying to see if there was a special movement to undo the change. He gingerly tapped the back of his neck, making a loud clinking sound, but nothing changed. He gestured helplessly at the Commander

 

“Ah...” Levi muttered, a grim smile playing on his lips. He moved closer to Reiner, drawing the sleek blades from their holster. “Looks like we'll be doing it the hard way then. Lie down on the ground. Now.”

 

Reiner eyed the swords, fear beating in his chest. He quickly shook his head. Levi paused, glaring at the Titan. “Unless you have any inkling of what you’re doing Braun, I suggest you do exactly what I say. On the ground. **NOW.** ”

Reiner meekly complied, lowering the Titan body so it was resting facedown on the field, his heart now threatening to burst from his body. He knew what was coming, bracing himself for the pain. He tried to stay still, but his body was shaking from fear and anticipation. A moment later, he heard a slight whizzing sound before Levi struck.

 

Light flooded the nape of Reiner's Titan neck as Levi neatly cleaved the section around Reiner away. Reiner started with pain, but then realized that he only slightly nicked his shoulder. A few choice cuts later, Reiner was being supported by Sasha and Jean as his Titan form began to smoke and disintegrate. Reiner stared dully at the dark red gash on his arm as it began to steam and repair itself.

“You did really really well Reiner,” Sasha said quietly, lowering him to the ground.

Jean wordlessly handed him a water pouch. Reiner took it; suddenly feeling extremely famished, and began guzzling from it, happy to have something to occupy himself besides hearing the pity of others.

To his right, Mikasa and Armin were pulling Eren out of his Titan, but Eren seemed energetic and animated, not drained and despondent like Reiner felt. Hanji was putting the finishing touches on her notes, while Levi was walking towards Reiner.

“Take the rest of the day Braun. Braus, help him to the mess hall for breakfast. Kirchstein, to me.”

Jean quickly followed behind the Commander, shooting one last pointed look at Reiner before following him towards the offices. Sasha grunted as she attempted to pull Reiner off the ground into a standing position. “Come on, Reiner, let’s get going.”

“I want to check on Connie.”

“He’ll be there after, he’s not going anywhe-“ Sasha stopped, a horrified look on her face.

Reiner quickly looked away, and pretended to not have heard, knowing that out of everyone, Sasha would never intentionally say something hurtful. “Ok ok, let’s…just make it quick.”

Sasha nodded frantically, relieved that Reiner wasn’t bringing it up, and the two headed into the mess hall. There weren’t as many as many soldiers at this time, but there were a handful of cadets lingering at a few tables. Reiner and Sasha quickly got their food, and found an unoccupied table. As he sat, Reiner saw Historia making her way down the aisle. Their eyes met for a moment, before Historia blushed, and looked away, choosing another table to sit at.

Reiner picked at his food, confused at her reaction. That, coupled with the silence from the other 104th was starting to get to him. Reiner raised his head. “Sasha, why are the others avoiding me?”

Sasha paused. She eyed him inquisitively for a moment, before a look of sadness appeared on her face. “You mean you haven’t figured it out?”

Reiner shook his head. Sasha sighed heavily. “Reiner, everyone cares about you. That hasn’t changed. It’s…Connie’s accident is affecting everyone.”

“I don’t follow you.”

Sasha took another deep breath. “Every one of them blames _themselves_ for what happened. They know how much you care about Connie, and they can’t face you when you just found out that there’s nothing more we can do to improve his condition.”

Reiner blinked. “But that’s…that’s stupid! It’s not their fault, it’s mine! I shouldn’t-“

“That goes for you too Reiner.” Sasha voice was suddenly sharp as she interrupted him. Reiner stared at her, surprised at the anger in her voice.

“It’s easy to think about all of the things that we could’ve done. Eren and Mikasa feel guilty because they weren’t there, and that if they were, things would’ve been different. Armin blames himself for not reacting in time to stop Connie. Jean’s gear malfunctioned because he skipped part of his prep that morning, and he had to stay back. Historia had a chance to cut Annie’s heel, but missed it by inches. And I…I could’ve moved faster to catch Connie before he hit the tree. And you said it’s your fault because you froze up. It’s easy to dwell on what we did or didn’t do!”

Sasha was breathing heavily, her eyes sparkling with angry tears. Reiner was unsure if he should say something, but before he could, she continued. “But the real fault lies with Annie and Bertholt. _They_ attacked _us._ They were the ones solely responsible. But even with that, we can’t help but feel guilty! That’s why they’re avoiding you; they’re ashamed of letting you and Connie down! And you…you’re just as bad! You still can’t accept that it was out of your hands! The first time Eren shifted, he tried to kill Mikasa! In your case it was a miracle that you were on our side!”

Sasha’s voice broke, her emotions finally getting the best of her. “Be happy that he’s alive! He’s alive, and awake, and…and cares about you… he’s given you a gift, but if you’re going to squander it by always feeling sorry for yourself…”

Sasha’s voice trailed off as she rose to her feet, her face wet. She turned, and rushed out of the mess hall. Reiner stared after her, her words resounding in his head. He looked down. Her tray of food was untouched.

 


	5. Experiment

Reiner slowly made his way down the hall, Sasha’s words still echoing in his head. He needed to find her; this last conversation confirmed to Reiner that Sasha was suffering the most. The others may be avoiding him, and he was constantly blaming himself, but Sasha; Sasha was hurting. Her appetite, her attitude, it was tearing her apart.

Reiner rounded the corner, and felt a sudden rush of light-headedness for a moment. Staggering forward, he reached out to steady himself against a chair. The transformation from that morning had taken more out of him then he expected. He winced as he suddenly felt a sharp pain in his hand. Pulling his fist back, he saw a long splinter embedded in his thumb. As he dropped into the chair, he gave it a quick pull, and with another sharp sting, the splinter came out, as well as a trickle of bright red blood.

Reiner stared dully at his hand, as the pinprick began to smoke and steam. Within moments, the injury was healed, leaving behind the few remaining droplets of blood. Reiner saw them begin to bubble and steam, moments away from evaporating. For no apparent reason, Reiner found himself concentrating on the simmering bubbles, with the same level of intensity when he had been trying to transform. As he continued to focus, the bubbling began to stop. Instead, the droplet began to grow, slowly swelling in size, until it began to spill down his arm.

Reiner blinked. In moments, the single droplet had regenerated and expanded, increasing its volume when he was concentrating on it. He looked back, to see the thick pool of blood now steaming and evaporating.

Reiner felt even more exhausted, but couldn’t help but marvel at this ability. Heal any wound, to rejuvenate to-

It suddenly hit Reiner, sending shockwaves through his body. _Connie._ Connie was injured, why couldn’t his blood heal Connie? Reiner’s mind was instantly crystal clear; the drowsiness and exhaustion were now non-existent. All he could think about was his blood, and Connie’s situation; the two were now connected, and once again, there was hope. Hope swelled in Reiner’s chest at the prospect. He could fix his mistake, he could make things right.

He set off down the hall with a fast-paced stride. There were soldiers and cadets walking down the halls, but none of them meant anything to Reiner; they merely melted from vision as he continued towards Hanji’s office.

He didn’t remember much from the medical lessons the cadets had taken as part of their basic training, but he did remember the instructor talking about blood types. Hanji kept a roster of all cadets blood information in her study. If he and Connie were a match…

The door to Hanji’s office was ajar, and Reiner slowly pushed his way into the room. There was no one there, just a large stack of papers on a desk. Reiner moved swiftly to the desk, and began to scan through the papers. Tax levies, Military Police Protocol forms, nothing that he needed. Reiner pushed the papers away, and began to search the room, a sense of desperation washing over him.

He suddenly spied a large file cabinet in the corner, almost completely covered by a large white sheet. Reiner rushed over to it, and pried open the middle drawer. He numbly pawed through the first few files, before realizing that there were names on each file, in alphabetical order. This had to be it. Reiner flew through the cabinet, ending on ‘R,’ and shoved the cabinet shut impatiently, causing a loud bang. He froze, ears straining to hear if anyone was coming. After a few moments, he slowly pulled open the next drawer, and began running down the list. Samuel, Sesser, Smith, _Springer._

With trembling hands, Reiner withdrew the manila folder, and opened it. On the front page was a sketch of Connie; all of the cadets had a military artist give sketches of each soldier during orientation. Reiner felt a knot in his throat as he stared at the picture. Connie looked proud in the sketch; he looked happy and hopeful on the page. Reiner took a shaky breath to steady himself, and flipped the page. The next page was a list of defining characteristics of Connie:

_Height:_ 158 cm

_Weight:_ 58kg

_Hair:_ Gray

_Eyes:_ Golden

_Distinguishable Features:_ Military Grade Buzz-cut, ranked 8 th among the 104th Corps, slow on the uptake

Reiner felt a pang of fury while reading the last bit of _Distinguishable Features_.  They hadn’t even begun to scratch the surface of Connie’s attributes. His loyalty, his bravery, his empathy, natural instincts, and selflessness; but all the recognition he got were four judgemental little words scrawled onto the parchment. His hands were now shaking with a mixture of anxiety, and pure anger at whoever wrote the-

Blood Type: A+

Reiner froze again, his eyes focusing all their intensity on the pages. A+. He was A+. Connie was A+. A surge of relief flooded Reiner’s veins as he returned the folder to the drawer, and gently closed it. He quickly slipped from the room.

 

 

* * *

 

Reiner arrived back at Connie’s room. Connie was back in his bed, being fed some sort of broth by Sasha. He looked up and grinned as Reiner ducked his head through the archway. “Hey, how’d shifting go?”

Reiner felt a desperate sense of urgency in his chest. He knew he had the ability to heal Connie, but he didn’t know how to broach the subject. And if Sasha was there, she might object so he might need to wait until she left…but what if it didn’t work at all, and he told Connie that he had a cure…maybe he shouldn’t know about it either and he should just try to-

“Yo, Reiner, are you ok?” Connie asked, a hint of worry in his voice.

Reiner realized that he had just been standing there, with his eyes glazed over. He gave a nervous laugh. “Yeah it was fine, I’m just not really used to changing and stuff.”

Sasha nodded, her face tear-free; although she still looked exhausted as she spooned another bit of broth  into Connie’s mouth. “He did really well," she said giving a weak smile to Reiner.

“Well, Levi had to cut me out, since I had no clue on how to turn it off on my own,” Reiner said, trying to focus on the conversation, while his mind was spinning with different ideas on how to do it. He now regretted not grabbing the syringe that he had seen in the corner of Hanji’s office.

“Well I’m sure it’ll get easier when you, OUCH!” Connie exclaimed, as Sasha suddenly teetered forward, and slumped onto Connie’s chest. Her hand that had been outstretched, dropped the spoon, and had descended, leaving a deep scratch on Connie’s cheek.

Reiner hurried forward, and pulled Sasha off of Connie, lightly shaking her. “Sasha, Sasha wake up!”

Sasha slowly opened her eyes, looking confused. “Wha-what just happened?”

“You passed out,” Reiner said grimly as he gently picked Sasha up. “I’m taking you to the infirmary.”

Sasha’s face turned deep red. “I don’t need the infirmary!”

Reiner stared pointedly at her. “Then I’ll take you to the cafeteria so you can eat something.”

Sasha blinked. Reiner looked away, as he realized this was the first time that someone had voiced that they had noticed a change in her eating habits; the first time that someone had let her know that they knew she was suffering. Sasha looked down, her eyes growing wet again. “I’ll go to the infirmary,” she muttered softly.

“It’s ok,” Reiner whispered softly.

Sasha struggled slightly, and Reiner gently set her back down on the ground. “I’ll go myself.”

“Are you sure?” Reiner asked, as Sasha stepped out the door.

“Yeah…and thanks Reiner. It means a lot. You can finish feeding Connie.” With that, she slowly walked down the hall.

Reiner shook his head and turned back to Connie, to see him wincing in pain, a slight trickle of blood dripping down his cheek from Sasha’s scratch mark.

“Ouch,” Reiner whistled, moving closer and gently holding Connie’s chin to take a closer look at the scratch. It was deeper than he had expected, with blood still oozing from the wound. “That’s a bad one.”

“It’s worse because I can actually feel it, but can’t do anything about it,” Connie grumbled.

But Reiner didn’t hear Connie’s attempt at humor. Sasha had just given him the perfect opening.

“Let me grab a bandage for that,” Reiner said as he gently patted Connie’s arm. He rose and moved to the corner, where a small box of medical supplies were placed on the table.  He grabbed a bandage, and then rummaged through until he found a small needle for stitches. Reiner steeled himself, and quickly jabbed the needle deep into his thumb, suppressing the grunt of pain. Several large drops of blood quickly pooled at the end of his finger, and he rubbed them into the bandage.

The red mark began to steam slightly, and Reiner quickly concentrated on the bandage. The steaming immediately ceased, as the splotch of blood began to slowly expand. Knowing he had only a few moments, Reiner turned back to Connie, and quickly fastened the bandage over the cut. He sat back in his seat, and picked up the bowl of broth.

He moved slower as he began to feed Connie, focusing all attention on maintaining concentration on the cut. At one point, Connie made a small twitch as if trying to scratch his face against the side of the bed, but gave up on it and continued eating the broth. The two continued in silence until the bowl was empty. Connie yawned. The room was warm, as the sun was shining through the window.

“I’m going to try to sleep,” Connie said quietly, his words slurred with sleep.

Reiner gave a small smile and nodded. He was beginning to feel tired himself; concentrating on the wound consistently was proving more difficult than he had imagined. He gazed at Connie blankly, as the others eyes began to droop and finally close. It was so peaceful, so warm, so…….

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Give me a transfusion of A+ stat!”

Reiner jolted up from the floor of the room, to see a group of white-clad doctors gathered around Connie’s bed. Hanji was at the head of the bed, administering something to-

Reiner was instantly awake, when a thin moan emanated from the bed. He jumped to his feet to see Connie, steam gushing from his mouth and nose, his head desperately thrashing from side to side. The room was no longer pleasantly warm; it felt like they were standing inside of an oven; waves of heat radiated from the bed.

“What’s happening?” Reiner shouted, eyes wide with horror, as Connie screamed again, his eyes darting wildly from side to side.

“Get back, we don’t know anything!” Hanji snapped, placing a pack of ice on Connie’s forehead. Within moments, the ice had liquefied, and began to bubble. Hanji flung the pack to the side, seizing another one, and placing it on his head. She repeated this several times, as the ice continued to melt in mere seconds. “By the walls what could have caused this?”

Reiner felt the bottom of his stomach plummet. He had stopped concentrating; he had fallen asleep, and now…

Reiner began to concentrate, desperately focusing everything onto Connie, willing the heat to subside. The other doctors continued to try to alleviate his temperature, with Reiner planted in the center of them, brow furrowed, staring at Connie.

Instead of subsiding, the heat seemed to compound. Connie wailed again from the bed, tears leaking out only to instantly evaporate into the air. Hanji was becoming more and more frantic. “GET ME ALL THE ICE WE HAVE ON THIS GODDAMNED BASE RIGHT NOW!” she snarled at one of the doctors, who stumbled, in her haste to sprint out the door. “AND YOU, WHAT ARE YOU…Reiner what are you doing?”

Reiner realized that he was still rooted in place, his face full of concentration. “I-I was just tryin-“

Reiner felt the breath rush out of his lungs as the woman was suddenly close to his face, pressing him into the side of the bed. “You did something to him, didn’t you? This is nothing of what we’ve seen. What did you do? WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?”

For a split second, Reiner wanted to lie, to say that he had no idea what was happening. But Connie gave another small scream, and he knew the only way to help him was to tell the truth. “I…I he had an open wound, and I-I saw that my blood was healing me, and I tried to put some of my blood into Connie to try and heal hi-“

**CRACK**

Hanji had struck Reiner across the face with such force, that Reiner was thrown to the ground, as stars flew past his vision. Hanji was shaking from rage, her hands balled into fists. She advanced at Reiner, who hastily scooted away from her. “Do you have _any_ idea what you’ve done?”

Reiner faltered; the fear in his chest palpable. Tears were filling his eyes. “I-I just wanted to help him-“

Hanji paused for a beat before she began to speak. It was a forced calm, but Reiner could still hear the rage hiding just beneath. “So you perform an untested experiment on a paraplegic based on a hunch? Do you understand the implications of that? Do you?” At this point, Hanji was inches from Reiner’s face as she began to yell again, flecks of spittle covering Reiner’s face. “We don’t know what could happen! You’ll be lucky if this only kills him! He could turn into a Titan for all we know! And you would jeopardize your teammate-no-your _friend_ because you feel sorry for yourself?”

Reiner was speechless. Hanji’s accusations filled him with a realizing terror at what he’d done. He looked away from Hanji for a split-second to see Connie again, when Hanji grabbed his shirt and pulled him to his feet. Her voice was once again deathly quiet. “You’re lucky I don’t have you executed right here on the spot. If you value your pathetic life, you’ll stay away from here for the rest of the day.” She shook him violently with every word. “Do. I. Make. Myself. Clear?”

Reiner wordlessly nodded. Hanji roughly shoved him backwards, out of the door, turning her back on him and returning to Connie. Reiner had one last look at Connie letting out another scream before one of the doctors slammed the door, leaving Reiner outside; alone with his guilt.


	6. Stains

Reiner walked down the hall in a daze. His feet dragged on the rough wooden floor. Soldiers and cadets walking by looked at him curiously, before seeing the tears streaming down his blank face before hurrying on about their own business. Reiner didn’t care. He couldn't feel anything, it was all blank. Nothing there. All he could hear were the echoes of Connie’s screams; all he could see was that head weakly tossing back and forth on the pillow, as clouds of steam erupted from his eyes and mouth.

He felt a warm rushing sensation in his chest, and collapsed onto his knees. A burning sensation filled his mouth, and suddenly he could taste his bile as he vomited onto the floor. There wasn’t much, but like his blood, it began to steam and evaporate. The sight of the steam triggered another bout, and he continued to violently dry heave, groaning in pain as his ribs stretched painfully.

As he sat there, spit and bile dribbling from his mouth, covered in layers of sweat and grime, he wished he had died. If he had died instead of Connie being injured, it would've been better than this…to have handed the most important person in his life a death-sentence…

He felt a rough pat on his shoulder. He stayed there, staring at the filth-covered floor, not wanting anyone to touch him. Not Eren, or Sasha, or anyone. He didn't want anyone to see him like this-

“Oi, brat, stand up.”

Reiner slowly raised his tear-stricken face, and could barely make out Levi’s face, eyeing the vomit with a look of immense distaste on his face. “Braun. Stand up.”

Reiner hesitated, before slowly pulling himself to his feet. Even though he stood taller than Levi, at this moment he felt like the tiniest most pathetic insect. He covered his face with his hands, his shame growing.

“Braun. I heard what you did.”

Reiner tried to stop himself from shaking. He tried to brace himself for the next verbal onslaught. But he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t help it. He was so tired, and felt so helpless. His friend was dying; dying and it was his fault, and he couldn’t even try to help to-

“You did what you thought was right.”

At this, Reiner broke. He clutched his face in his hands as deep sobs racked his entire body. Why? Why were so many people showing him mercy when he so clearly didn’t deserve it? He felt a slight pressure, and realized through his tears, that Levi was embracing him, softly whispering reassurances in his ear, as he hugged the boy close to him. Reiner sank into Levi’s chest, and let it all out. For several minutes they stayed there; Reiner sobbing, and Levi whispering, until there were no more tears. After a while, he felt himself being pulled along. Reiner complied, not wanting to let go of the only person who was offering him any comfort.

Reiner felt himself being lowered into a chair, and realized he was in Levi’s office. He looked up, blinking past the last few tears, to see Levi pulling his jacket off, which was now thoroughly stained with a mixture of tears, drool, and vomit. Reiner’s voice cracked as he tried to apologize. “I’m sorry about your jacket Commander-“

“It’s not important,” Levi said abruptly as he tossed it onto another chair. He moved to a table, where a large beaker full of water was resting. Levi filled a glass, and returned, handing it to Reiner. Reiner took a shaky sip, and swished it around his mouth to clear out the rest of the bile. He took another sip, and let out a shaky breath.

“When Gunther, Eld, Aururo, and Petra were killed, I felt the exact same way,” Levi said softly, staring out the window into the distance. “Right after I had given Eren the choice to trust us, or to trust himself. But I wanted him to trust us. And I was wrong. And the four of them paid the price.”

Reiner took another sip, unsure of what he was supposed to say or how to react. “How…how do you deal with that burden?” Reiner asked timidly.

 Levi met Reiner’s gaze. “I did it out of love for them. I cared about each one of them, and made my decision based on what I thought would protect them the most. I was wrong, but my intentions were genuine. And they understood that until the end. You tried this experiment on Springer, because your love for him is just as tangible and genuine. It came from a place of caring and love. No matter what happens, he’ll know that you had his best intentions at heart.”

Reiner was surprised at this unexpected talk. "Thank you Commander," he managed to mumble softly.

Levi drilled a grim stare at him. "That being said, I hope you now realize how foolish it was of you to attempt something like this without any type of plan. You don't even know if you have the same blood-type for God's sake!"

"I snuck into Hanji's office and found his file. We were a match," Reiner muttered, looking down in shame.

Levi was quiet for a moment before he chuckled. "Well you're not a complete fool at least."

Reiner nodded jerkily, unsure of how to react. He understood what Levi was saying, but know all he could think about was being there; even if it meant to see him die, he had to be there with him. “I’m sorry, Commander could I go back to see him? I just…I want to be there for him.”

Levi nodded, getting to his feet. “I’ll talk to Hanji and vouch for you. Finish that water before you-“

He halted abruptly, as Hanji entered the room. Her body was bright red, as if she had been dipped into scalding water. Her hair hung in tangled mats, and her goggles were completely fogged over. Reiner was immediately on his feet, dread seeping through his body like freezing water. “Commander is he-“

Hanji jerked a hand to cut him off, and turned towards Levi, completely ignoring Reiner. “Springer is stable; the body temperature finally dropped back to a normal range. He seemed to still be in control of his mental faculties. How, I have no earthly idea. He’s sleeping now." She jerked a hand in Reiner's direction without looking at him. "Inform Braun that he can visit him when he wakes up.” She turned on her heel, and was gone just as quickly as she had come.

Reiner sank back into the chair, not daring to believe it. “He…he’s alive?”

Levi breathed a deep sigh of relief, before straightening up, and glaring at Reiner. “Get out of here, and go see him. I have your shit to clean up in here,” he gestured to the jacket, that was now visibly seeping into the chair.

Reiner was gone in a flash, tearing down the hallway.


	7. Pinch

Reiner was back in Connie’s room in what seemed like seconds, panting from the sprint. The room was once again a pleasant temperature. Connie was thankfully asleep, his face still a bright red from the ordeal hours before. Just seeing the slight rise of his chest and the soft rustle of his breath sent tremors down Reiner’s spine. He was still alive. He was still here.

Reiner quietly grabbed the chair that he had spent so much time in for the last few days, and pulled it up next to Connie’s bed, gently dropping himself into the seat. He sat there for several minutes, staring pointedly at the ground. There were so many emotions going through his head; relief, terror, guilt, anger, and disbelief to name a few.

It had just been about a week ago, and everything had been fine. Connie was uninjured, Reiner didn’t know he was a shifter, and the team was happy. They were together. They were safe. And all of that safety had been thrown out the window in a moment of weakness. That rushing fist, that frozen moment of complete panic. And Connie paid the price.

But the team forgave him. Connie forgave him, of all people. They showed him mercy and love when he couldn’t show mercy to himself. They helped him stand again, to find his way.

And then, when he realized Connie would live, a small part of him accepted it, and was grateful for just that; that Connie wouldn’t have been taken out of his life forever. He could have accepted that reality, and done his best to make it as comfortable as possible for Connie But once again, that complacency and safety was destroyed because of Reiner’s vices.

He just wanted to help. To be useful. To be needed. To be…to be wanted. And instead he had almost killed his friend, and had possibly burned a bridge between himself and Hanji. Because he was so desperate to be of use, of any use at all, that he would try something like this.

He finally brought himself to look up. He could see the dull flush on Connie’s face and arms clearly now. Just hours before, that blissfully unconscious face had been spewing steam out of his mouth, and screaming so painfully, and this time there was no hiding the blame. Every scream echoed in Reiner’s head; _you did that to him, you caused this._ Reiner gripped the edge of the bed until his knuckles turned white. He was so sick of crying, so sick of the guilt and the pain.

“I’m sorry Connie,” Reiner whispered, squeezing his eyes shut to try and stop the tears from beginning to trickle down his cheek. “I’m so, so sorry for causing you so much pain. You mean more to me than…than anyone else in this world. And-and I almost got you killed twice. Twice!” Reiner’s hands were now shaking with exertion as he increased his hold on the bed. “Can you imagine-imagine almost killing the person you love the most twice? In less than a week? Christ…there’s no helping me is there…

Reiner felt a slight weight on his cheek. He opened his eyes to see Connie, gently brushing the tears from his face, his sleepy eyes wet with tears. He offered a shaky smile. “I forgive you Reiner, I’ll always forgive you.”

Reiner reached up, and softly squeezed Connie’s hand. “I don’t deserve it,” he mumbled feeling the reassuring strength in his hand.

His hand.

_His hand-_

”CONNIE!” Reiner screamed, jumping to his feet, still clutching Connie’s hand to his face.

“God-what? What?” Connie asked, looking confused and slightly panicked.

Reiner was almost beyond words. He was pointing at Connie’s hand and back to him, yelling a jumble of words. “Connie, your hand! What-how are you-is-is this, what’s happen-your hand you can move you-YOU CAN MOVE YOUR HAND!”

Connie blinked. Then the realization kicked in. His eyes widened, his hand wrenching out of Reiner’s grip and clutching at his face, his fingers kneading and prodding his cheeks, and rubbing along his forehead. He looked up, confusion and delight in his eyes. “Reiner, Reiner I can-“

Reiner was on top of him before he could finish, picking him up in a huge bearhug and swinging him around the room laughing hysterically. “It worked it worked it worked it worked it worked-“

Connie joined in, half-laughing, half-crying, beating his fists against Reiner’s shoulders, and kicking his legs in exuberance, twisting and thrashing every part of his body as Reiner continued to swing him around the room.

Eventually, Reiner stopped swinging, and merely held Connie suspended in the air, just staring at him and smiling. Connie was experimentally pinching and prodding his arms and legs, giving slight yelps at the pain, which dissolved into giddy laughter, at the prospect of feeling again. Connie looked up, his eyes sparkling with happy tears. “You-how did you do this?”

Reiner paused, unsure if he even knew what he did. “I…I dunno I just thought since-“

Reiner was unable to finish the sentence, before Connie had wrapped his arms around his head, and pulled his head forward into a kiss. Reiner let the words die in his throat and eagerly kissed him back. It was different from the kiss he had given Connie the other night. Connie had been unable to really respond to it, in his previous state, and it had been a frantic decision to try and calm him down. But now, he could feel Connie’s arms on his shoulders, felt the slight pull of Connie’s hand clutching a fistful of his hair. He could feel Connie’s passion in every fiber of his body, reciprocating his own feelings, as they continued to kiss.

After few seconds that felt like hours, Reiner slowly lowered Connie to the ground. Connie drew back for a moment, but then wrapped his arms around Reiner’s waist, and buried his face in his chest. “You’ve given me my life back,” he mumbled softly.

“Connie are you all ri-CONNIE!”

Connie spun around to see Sasha standing in the doorway, a tray of soup in her hands. Sasha was quivering in disbelief, her mouth wide open. She made a slight yelp as the tray slipped from her hands and smashed on the floor, as she rushed forward. She tackled Connie with such force, that they fell over back onto the bed, a squirming jumble of limbs and laughter. “How’re you-how is this-Connie!” Sasha squealed again, hugging him so fiercely around the neck that he started to turn blue.

“ _Sasha-Sasha you’re choking me.”_

“Oh God, I’m sorry it’s just-oh God Connie!” Sasha screamed as let go, her hands flailing in excitement. Her eyes lifted to meet Reiner’s gaze, who had been grinning foolishly at their antics. “You. You were behind this, I just know it! How’d you do it? What’d you do?”

“I uh,” Reiner began lamely, still trying to figure out how to explain it, when she abruptly gave him a peck on the cheek. Reiner was struck dumb, rubbing the spot absent-mindedly.

“You did this for Connie, and you did so much for me,” Sasha said quietly, with a smile fit to burst the room. “You really are an amazing person Reiner.”

Reiner blushed, and was about to thank Sasha, when more people spilled into the room, among them, Hanji. “I _specifically_ told people not to disturb Springer! We need to…to…

Hanji began to blink furiously, back and forth between Sasha, who was now clambering onto Reiner’s back, Connie, who was pinching his arm yet again, and laughing at the sensation, and Reiner, standing meekly in the corner trying to shrink away from Hanji. He didn’t really want to get hit again.

“Springer you’re…you’re walking. And moving. Yes? That is you doing all of that, yes?”

Connie quickly sprang up, and instantly threw down the salute, swathed in bandages, and wearing nothing but his boxers. “Yes Commander! Thanks to Reiner Braun, I’m ready again to serve humanity!”

Hanji blinked several times. Then she was back to all business. “We’re going to need to run some preliminary tests with this new turn of events. Braus, I need you to go inform Levi, and call together the rest of the 104th to meet on the practice field. Braun, get some clothes for Springer, and the two of you report to the field as soon as you’re done.”

With that, Hanji strode out of the room, Sasha following right behind, shooting another beaming look at Connie before disappearing down the hall. Reiner strode over to the dresser, and pulled open one of the drawers. He withdrew a pair of pants and a shirt, and tossed them at Connie, who grabbed them, and set about dressing himself.

“Well I didn’t expect a parade,” Connie chuckled, as he pulled the rough woolen shirt over his head.

Reiner gave his shoulder a reassuring pat.“I think mostly it’s just surprise. No one expected you to make a recovery from those injuries. And I could be wrong, but I think they just want to see if you’re a shifter now or not,” Reiner said cautiously.

Connie looked up in surprise. “Me? A Titan shifter?”

Reiner nodded. “I found when I was bleeding, if I concentrated , my blood wouldn’t evaporate, but start to undergo osmosis, and duplicate. And since I knew that I kept regenerating any wounds I received, I thought if you had a bit of shifter blood in you, it would, maybe heal you.”

Connie paused for a moment, frowning in contemplation. Then he simply nodded. “That actually makes sense,” he said, tying the final knot on his pants. “Heck, you don’t even know if you can be a shifter anymore.”

Reiner was struck dumb by this. He hadn’t even thought about his shifting abilities. What if they had transferred to Connie? Reiner groaned. Even though Connie had now miraculously recovered, there were still so many unknown questions that needed answering.

“Hey,” Connie said, slipping his into Reiner’s, and giving it a squeeze. “We’ll figure it out, and we’ll do it together. Ok?”

Reiner couldn’t help but smile. He wrapped an arm around Connie’s shoulder as they began to exit the room. “As long as you’re ok, I don’t care what happens.”


	8. Regrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the hiatus! But I'm finally back, and hopefully will be able to continue this more in-depth!

Reiner never thought that something as simple as the sound of footsteps next to him could mean so much, as he and Connie made their way down the empty hallway. There were so many questions flitting through his mind at lightning speed, but the sight of Connie walking hesitantly beside him filled him with a sense of relief that dampened the impending fears and worries. Connie glanced up and caught Reiner's gaze. He immediately flushed red and turned away, pretending that he hadn't been staring intently at the smaller boy.

 

“What're you doing?” Connie laughed, reaching out and squeezing Reiner's hand gently, their soft palms rubbing together. Reiner suddenly realized that for the first times, neither hand was calloused or rough. He had always wondered why he had never built up callouses, or had any scars from the rigors of training. Connie; reckless sporadic Connie had been covered with tiny scars and rough bruises. But now their hands were equally smooth.

 

Reiner pointedly stared at the end of the hallway his mind a chaotic jumble, trying not to think about the touch, the contact, the _connectedness_ between the two of them. “I just...It's just-ah _fuck-_ seeing you walk and move is just so-so reassuring you know?” he stuttered awkwardly, hating himself for coming up empty on adequate words when there was so much he wanted to say.

 

“It's impossible to put into words,” Connie said softly, interrupting Reiner's thoughts. Reiner reluctantly gazed back at Connie. He was smiling reassuringly. “That's what you were thinking right? Reiner nothing like this has...ever _ever_ happened before. It's unprecedented, so you don't have to pretend to know why or how it worked. We can just-just be grateful that it did, and that we're here.”

 

Reiner nodded mutely, thankful that Connie had put into words what had been troubling him. He gently squeezed his hand back as they rounded the corner, and pushed past the double doors onto the field. The sun was beginning to set, but the field was once again abuzz with activity. A few cadets walking past saw the two of them, and bent their heads together, whispering and pointing in their direction.

 

“Word travels fast about your recovery,” Reiner smiled encouragingly to Connie as they continued to move across the field.

 

“Yeah, because no one's going to stop and stare at the Miracle Boy and his guardian angel,” a voice chimed in behind the two of them. Reiner and Connie both turned to see Jean and Mikasa as they moved up alongside them. Jean grinned foolishly, and reached out to grip Connie's shoulder. “It's really fucking good to see you up and around again Connie.”

 

Connie grinned and grabbed Jean's shoulder back. “Good to see you too Kirchstein.”

 

There was brief pause, and something akin to shame flashed across Jean's face. “I meant to drop by, but I've just been really busy and-”

 

“He couldn't bring himself to see you in pain,” Mikasa cut in, as forward as ever. Jean flushed with shame, and he looked down, attempting to pull away from Connie. But Connie let go of Reiner's hand to clasp Jean's hand with his. He glared at Jean until he slowly raised his head to meet his gaze.

 

“Jean I don't blame you at all. Everyone deals with this kind of shit in their own way. I know you all had my back...I know you cared. It's ok.”

 

Jean stared back at him with a mixture of surprise and relief. His mouth opened and closed before he found his voice again. “After Marco...I-”

 

Mikasa quickly placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Jean you don't need to-”

 

“No...No! I need to...after I found Marco after Trost, I didn't know what to do. He was someone that I confided in, and trusted and-and I couldn't bear to see someone else important to me die. And they were saying bad shit all the time and...I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm sorry.”

 

Connie smiled sadly. “You did nothing wrong. I'm just glad you're ok.”

 

Jean managed a soft snort. “Glad I'm ok? Jesus Connie, you just rose from the dead and you're already making sure everyone else is ok; give it at lease a day wouldja?”

 

Connie and Reiner laughed at this, and Mikasa smiled softly, her hand never leaving Jean's shoulder. Connie's eyes suddenly narrowed as he stared pointedly at the hand. “Wait, Mikasa are you and Jean-”

 

“Yes,” she said simply, the faintest touch of red brushing her cheeks. “And you and Reiner...?”

 

“A day or so ago.”

 

“Same.”

 

Reiner and Jean stared at each other, mouths open in disbelief before yelling at the same time;

 

“ _HIM???”_

 

“ _HER???”_

 

The four of them stared back and forth at one another, before they all started laughing again. Even Mikasa managed a soft chuckle, her face flushing slightly more than usual. A sharp whistle screeched out, jerking them out of their reverie. “Oh shit,” Reiner muttered, turning to see a group of soldiers gathered around the familiar circles. The four broke into a brisk walk towards a glowering Levi.

 

“Normally I'd let foolishness like this slide, but we're on a timetable here,” Levi growled, as Hanji surged forward, grabbing Connie's arm and pulling him over to several doctors who began taking copious notes. “I need you and Jaeger to shift as quickly as possible in your circles again, so we can test Springer for shifting ability. Jaeger first, you second. Clear?” he said, staring pointedly at Reiner.

 

“Yes sir,” Reiner said promptly, and began moving towards his circle. He found himself walking with Mikasa as she headed for her designated spot.

 

“I could give Connie some extra 3DMG tips if you want,” she said as blunt as ever, but there was the slightest hesitation in her voice.

 

Reiner cocked his head at her quizzically. “Why now, all of a sudden?”

 

Mikasa was quiet for a few moments as they trudged across the grass, the setting sun covering everything in a crimson glow. “I've been selfish,” she finally whispered, Reiner barely catching her words.

“What do you mean?”

 

Mikasa breathed heavily and fiddled with a lock of hair absent-mindedly. “I've really only ever looked out for Armin and Eren. I've killed Titans that were pursuing others, but it was in the mentality of lessening Eren's burden, or keeping Armin out of danger. But I never really interacted much with the others.”

 

She cleared her throat, shooting a look sideways at Reiner, who gave a small nod of understanding, and she continued. “But then, during Trost, Connie was the only one who stayed with Armin and I; he had no obligation or reason to stay, but he saved the both of us. And then he kept encouraging everyone in the battle, he saved...so many people. More than me... And that's just what he is, you know? He's-”

 

“The heart and soul of the team?” Reiner quietly interjected.

 

Mikasa turned sharply at Reiner's words and nodded. “That's...that's exactly what I was thinking. So-so ask him about it. If he's interested...I'll be glad to help in any way I can.”

 

“Thank you Mikasa,” Reiner said, his smile conveying his thanks. It was rare to see Mikasa flustered, and it made him appreciate what she said even more. Mikasa nodded once more, before moving away as Reiner came to a stop inside his circle. There was a resounding explosion behind him and Eren's roar echoes across the field. He turned to see Eren's Titan standing at attention on the opposite side of the field.

 

Reiner squinted in the gloom of the evening light, and could just barely make out Connie, standing alone in the middle circle on the field. His heart lurched in his chest; although he knew Eren wouldn't attack, it looked so familiar to the fragments of his dream; Connie and a Titan, him powerless to stop-

 

_No._ Reiner thought to himself.  _Never again. I have the power now. I will protect him. I'll protect him no matter what I have to-_

 

An identical explosion temporarily blinded him as the familiar lurch of flesh and sinew covered him, and suddenly he was towering over the field again. He could see Connie staring up at him; even at this height, he could tell that Connie's mouth was open in shock. With a painful twinge, he realized this was the first time Connie was seeing him in this form.

 

“All right Springer,” Levi's voice sounded through the megaphone. “Just like we instructed. Have an action in mind, and then draw blood with the pin we've provided.

 

Reiner stared at the small boy as he straightened his back. He could feel his heart beating a mile a minute; what if he was a Shifter now? What if he went crazy? What if-

 

_No. I'm a Shifter, Eren's a Shifter. We can calm him down. No matter what happens he'll be fine. He'll be FINE._

 

Connie let out a yelp of pain from the circle. Reiner tensed, for the explosion that did not come. The shadowy figure on the ground made a swishing motion, and cursed.

 

“It's...not...working...OW!” Connie yelled again.

 

Reiner breathed a sigh of relief, that turned out to be another large gout of orange flame. Levi was moving slowly towards Connie. He held out his hand, and Connie dropped something into his hand. Levi then turned and yelled into his megaphone. “All right that's enough for today! Jaeger, Braun, get out of them, or lie down so we can do it for you.”

 

Reiner's relief was melting him from the inside. Just knowing that Connie wasn't a shifter was so reassuring that he didn't even care. Abruptly, he felt a gout of steam, and opened his eyes to see that he had erupted from the back of his Shifter's neck. He grunted, attempting to extricate himself, but he was still stuck from the waist-down. But all around him, the flesh was bubbling, and evaporating. A few moments later, the flesh keeping him trapped began to steam, and he was able to pull himself out.

 

There was a brief lull of the sound of zipping cords, before Mikasa was suddenly next to him, perched atop the Shifter. “Grab on,” she said, and he grasped her hand. She fired a hook at a nearby tree, and Reiner felt a lurch as they left the Shifter husk, and landed on the field. The sun had finally set, as lanterns began sputtering to life across the field.

 

Still woozy from the shift, Reiner leaned slightly on Mikasa, who quickly moved to support him as they searched for Connie. They found him in the medical tent, with Hanji examining his hand where he had pricked himself with the needle. “So you may not shift, but you still possess fast regeneration; whether that's temporary or not, we'll find out,” Hanji muttered, running her fingers across his palm, as Moblit scribbled furiously on a pad of paper in the corner. Her head lifted, and she saw Reiner and Mikasa enter the tent. “Ah, Ackerman, if you would escort Mr. Springer back to his infirmary room, I need...to discuss something with Mr. Braun.”

 

Reiner's stomach clenched in fear. He still vividly remembered the manic rage that Hanji had shown earlier that day. Reluctantly, he allowed Mikasa to let go of him, and moved towards Connie, helping him to his feet. “Tomorrow you'll go back to the barracks Springer, this is just a safeguard for tonight.”

 

“Understood Commander,” Connie said quickly, before Mikasa led him from the tent. He waved quickly to Reiner before they were swallowed up by the darkness, leaving him alone with-

 

“I'm still amazed that you had the gall to try something this crazy Braun,” Hanji said sharply. Reiner winced, feeling droplets of sweat beginning to form on the bridge of his nose, but he dared not move to wipe it away. “Exceedingly foolish, arrogant, dangerous...” she trailed off.

 

“But it worked. It worked, and he's going to be fine, and no one can take credit for that but you.”

 

Reiner head rose, not daring to believe what he was hearing, and he gazed in surprise at the change in tone in Hanji's voice. “Commander?”

 

Hanji gave a tired sigh, but gave Reiner a small smile. “If anything, you personified the mantra that Erwin pushes on us all; we can't gain anything without sacrifice. And this time, it worked. It worked, and you single-handedly restored that young man's life.”

 

Reiner was speechless for a moment, not expecting this turn of events and attitude. “Thank you Commander,” he said slowly.

 

At this, Hanji narrowed her eyes. “Let's not make this a habit though. I have too many things to do, and yelling at you gets a little tiresome. Springer should be in his room, go check to see that he's settling in. The mattress should still be there, should you wish to spend the night again. Dismissed.”

 

Reiner saluted Hanji, before exiting the tent, thankful that he had saved not one, but two relationships that day.

 


	9. Memories and Friends

The hallways were dark, save for the pale glimmer of the scattered lanterns as Reiner made his way down the hall. Despite the action-packed last few hours, Reiner was having difficulty suppressing a tired yawn as he shuffled through the double doors toward Connie's room.

 

And when he thought about it, who could really blame him?

 

In the space of roughly 24 hours, he had been forced to shift into his Titan form twice, fallen for one of his dearest friends, and had somehow managed to completely repair Connie's paralyzed state, while being backhanded by one of the heads of the Scouting Legion.

 

Reiner managed a weak chuckle as he rubbed his forehead, hoping to alleviate the chaotic buzz, as he reached the room. Connie was sitting on his bed, feet pulled up to his chest, rocking back and forth slightly while chatting with Mikasa, who was reclining in one of the hospital chairs. They looked up as Reiner entered.

 

“Hey Reiner, Mikasa's gonna show me a couple new 3DMG tricks!” Connie called cheerfully from the bed.

 

Reiner smiled at the enthusiasm in Connie's voice as he dropped into the other seat with a sigh. “I'm just glad it's Mikasa, and not Eren or Sasha giving the advice,” he said drily, producing a soft smile from Mikasa.

 

“Oi, are we talking dirt behind each others backs already?” came a voice from the doorway. Reiner looked up to see Eren and Armin making their way through the doorway, immediately followed by Jean, Sasha, and Historia. Sasha and Jean were wheeling a large cart with a steaming pot and a pile of bowls.

 

“What's all of this?” Mikasa asked bemusedly, as Connie craned his neck to try and see what was in the steaming pot.

 

“Dear God is that medicine for me?” He asked, looking horrified.

 

Sasha laughed at the expression on his face. “No no, Hanji sent word to the kitchens and had them whip something up for all of us, since we had to miss dinner for the test. She said that...we all deserved a little respite, so we could eat it in here with you to keep you company...if you're ok with that.” she said hopefully.

 

All heads turned towards Connie. There was a slightly wet glimmer in his eyes as he smiled and nodded adamantly. “I'd like that a lot.”

 

Sasha immediately started serving the soup, assisted by Historia, while Reiner, Eren, and Jean ran to the opposite empty hospital room to grab more chairs for everyone. As he carried two chairs back towards Connie's room, Reiner silently thanked Hanji; appreciative of the kind gesture of the superior officer.

 

When they re-entered, Reiner set down his chairs, and offered them to Sasha and Historia. He looked around, to see that all of the chairs were now full. He was about to head down the hall to grab one more, before Sasha handed him his bowl of soup, and gave the tiniest jerk of her head towards the bed, where Connie was sitting.

 

Reiner gave her an 'are-you-seriously-pulling-this-right-now' look, to which she merely rolled her eyes, and plopped firmly down into her seat. Heaving an exaggerated sigh, Reiner awkwardly maneuvered around the jumble of legs and bodies, until he climbed up and sat cross-legged on the bed next to Connie, slightly bumping Connie's leg as he settled. Historia gave a quiet giggle, and Reiner felt his face slightly redden, and quickly began eating to mask the awkwardness.

 

The soup was warm and rich; Hanji must have had the cooks add real milk to the soup, because it was delicious. For the next few minutes, there was silence in the room, save for the clinking of spoons, and small appreciative hums and sighs as the cadets enjoyed their meal. Reiner shot a glance towards Sasha, and saw that she had already polished off her bowl, and was taking seconds. She caught his eye, and paused for a moment, before softly smiling. Reiner nodded slightly and returned the grin.

 

“This is...weird,” Eren said contemplatively from the corner. Everyone's heads raised from their bowls, and looked his way. He suddenly realized everyone was watching, and looked slightly abashed. “I'm not saying it isn't nice. Hell it's a relief that we can all be together...I guess...this is the first time we've all eaten together since...” he trailed off, shooting a cautious look towards Historia.

 

The blonde girl's hold on her soup bowl tightened, but she nodded. “You can say it Eren. The last time we ate together, it was all of us. Bertholdt, Annie, Ymir...” she broke off, and Sasha put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

 

“No-no it's fine Sasha, it needs to be said,” Historia said, pulling herself together. “But we're all here now. We're here, and we know what we have to do when the time comes.” she said with determination.

 

The others nodded silently. Silence began to resume around the room until-

 

“What did it feel like Connie?”

 

Armin had piped up from the corner. His cheeks were red, and he looked ashamed, but he pressed on. “What...what did it feel like being paralyzed?”

 

There was an audible shift of tension in the room. Historia and Sasha looked horrified, but Eren, Mikasa, and Jean looked torn halfway between embarrassed and interested. Reiner made to rise to his feet to tell Armin off, but Connie grabbed his hand. Reiner looked at Connie, and was surprised to see that he looked calm. “It's all right Reiner,” he said quietly, offering a small smile.

 

Reiner slowly lowered himself back to his seat, as Connie turned to Armin, who know looked crest-fallen. “I'm sorry, I don't know why I asked that right now-”

 

“Armin, it's ok, it doesn't bother me. Well maybe a little, but it's all right,” he interrupted gently. His face puckered slightly, as he thought of the words to describe it. “It's...it's like you feel like you're stuck in a weird joke. You can still 'feel' your arms and legs, and 'move' them, but in reality nothing's moving.”

 

He paused, gauging Armin's face to see if his explanation was making any sense before plowing on. “It's like...whatever they call it, 'phantom limb' or something like that. In your head, everything is fine, and everything can still move at your command. But...it just...doesn't. Nothing moves, and you start to feel...like you're going crazy. You feel the movements in your head, and you know how your body would feel if they made a movement like that, but you're not moving. You're trapped, and no matter how you try, whenever you open your eyes you see the. Same. Exact. Thing.

 

Connie grimly pointed a finger up, and everyone followed the direction of his finger until they saw the aged wooden ceiling above them.

 

“There are approximately 250 different cracks in the wood. 100 of them are longer than roughly 5 inches, while the remaining cracks are all only a few centimeters at most. 25 of them resemble a face, but which face, I have no idea, and it's been bugging the SHIT out of me. I've seen roughly 15 spiders, several of which are poisonous.”

 

Connie paused, and looked around, noticing the horror-struck looks on everyone's faces. Reiner felt a pit in his stomach, imagining Connie lying in bed, hour after hour desperately memorizing every facet of the ceiling. He could feel the visceral hunger for any stimuli, anything at all and-

 

“Connie I'm so sorry I didn't come to visit,” Historia said softly, her eyes brimming with tears. “I didn't-I didn't realize how horrible that must have been.”

 

Connie leaned forward and placed a steady hand on her shoulder. “Historia look at me,” he said quietly but firmly. Amid her sniffling, Historia eventually raised her large blue eyes to meet Connie's. “I don't blame you at all, so please, _please_ don't blame yourself.”

 

Historia managed a weak smile. “You have been...such an amazing friend. You're the only one that really understood Ymir and me. And when others were going to attack her, you gave her the chance to-to save me...thank you.”

 

Connie squeezed her shoulder before sagging back into his seat, his cheeks flushed. “I did what anyone of us would have done-”

 

“Not me,” Mikasa said evenly from across the room. “And that's what makes you such an integral part of the team. While 'strategy' may sometimes be hard for you to grasp, your ability to sense and gauge the human process allows you to see openings and opportunities that most of us would miss.”

 

Armin nodded violently. “You were the only one to reach out to me during Trost. You weren't thinking about the Titans, or the wall. You were focused on how to break me out of my downward spiral.”

 

Reiner felt a warm glow in his chest. Connie looked increasingly embarrassed, but he knew this was one of Connie's faults; doubting his usefulness to the Corps. He felt a rush of gratitude towards his friends, for outlining his strong points.

 

“Don't forget that he carried you all the way through Trost, while helping Mikasa lead me to the HQ,” Eren said loudly, staring sharply at Connie. “You saved the two people most important to me. And I'll never forget that.”

 

“I-I didn't _save_ them, it's Mikasa for fucks sake, she can take care of herself!” Connie floundered, awkwardly trying to deflect the praise, and looking increasingly flustered at the attention. Reiner softly grasped his hand and squeezed, shooting him an encouraging smile when he looked at him in surprise.

 

“When I missed my Titan kill, I felt like I had failed in everything that I've ever striven for,” Sasha said quietly.

 

“Sasha I missed mine too-”

 

“That's not the point!” she said, looking at him fiercely. The others shuffled slightly, not sure how to respond. “I'm a hunter first, and a soldier second. And in both cases, I felt like I had failed. And I felt like no one would ever look at me the same, or treat me the same. But not five minutes after, you were your same old self. You accepted what had happened, and put that to use to keep fighting. If I had a _tenth_ of your optimism...” she let the thought die, before smiling at him. “just...thank you for everything.”

 

Connie swiped at his eyes, looking for something to occupy himself while avoiding the eyes of his friends. “Why are you all talking about me? You're the ones that make the plans and get the kills. I never would have made it without you all. I would've died a long time ago.”

 

“And without you, we'd all be dead too,” Jean shot back at him defiantly. “You carried Armin, helped Mikasa, reassured Sasha, talked sense to Historia, defended Eren, and do I even have to mention the time you somersaulted into a Titan's head to keep it from eating me?”

 

At this, Eren and Sasha whipped their heads towards Connie their faces shocked. Even Mikasa's eyebrows rose as they all waited for Connie's answer. “Wait...Connie you _didn't..._

 

Connie very slightly nodded, and the two of them exploded with glee. “HOW DID I NOT HEAR ABOUT THIS-Connie how did you even go about _doing_ something like that- WHY DID WE NOT HEAR ABOUT THIS???”

 

“All right calm down you all,” Mikasa said from the corner, and the two of them toned it down, but kept shooting impressed looks towards Connie.

 

Reiner finally spoke up amid the lull. “See? You've always had a place here. Whether you believe it or not, your talents make you one of the best soldiers we've got. But even more than that, you care about each and every one of us...we trust you. And we care about you.”

 

Connie slowly looked into Reiner's eyes, and Reiner saw a twinkle of something in his eyes. It was small but it was definitely there.

Self-confidence.

 

Connie dipped his head, resting it appreciatively against Reiner's solid chest. There was a faint _aaawwww_ from Historia and Sasha, before Connie lifted his head again.

 

“Looks like someone might care a little more than us,” Eren said jokingly.

 

Before Connie or Reiner could form a comeback, there was a brusque knock at the door. The cadets turned to see Hanji and Levi silhouetted in the doorway. As one, they rose to their feet, and formed the salute. Levi nodded curtly, but Hanji let out a slight grunt of annoyance.

 

“Honestly the salute's going to get one of us killed one of these days. I hate to end this little party, but we can only bend the rules so much. Braun, I've got another sleep mat for you tonight. If anything happens to Springer tonight, I want someone that can call for help. The rest of you take the bowls and cart back to the kitchen, and head to the barracks. Try to get some rest, it's going to be a long day.”

 

Levi flung the bundled blanket at Reiner, who caught it instinctively. The rest of the soldiers were grabbing chairs, bowls, and pots. Jean and Eren clasped Connie's shoulder on the way out, while Sasha and Historia waved from the doorway. “Good night Connie! Good night Reiner!”

 

The two boys waved as as their friends exited the room. As he leaned back, Reiner bumped into Connie's shoulder. Reiner was suddenly painfully aware of how close he had been sitting to the smaller boy. He quickly rose, and began fumbling with the strap on the bedroll, trying to disguise the initial awkwardness.

 

After a short struggle, he finally succeeded in unbuckling it, and began placing the rough fabric on the ground, when he felt small but firm arms encircling his waist, causing him to start in surprise. A small bump signified Connie burying his head into the small of Reiner's back.

 

“Thank you...thank you for tonight,” he heard Connie mumble into his back. “That's...nothing's ever happened to me like that before. I've never been _praised_ before...”

 

Reiner felt a sick jerk in his stomach, remembering all the times that he had seen Connie getting talked down to by other cadets, or chastised by officers. “I should've been looking out for you more,” Reiner stammered.

 

Connie peeked his head over Reiner's shoulder, and raised his eyebrow; the same way he always did when something dumb had happened. “Why are you blaming yourself? Me getting recognition had nothing to do with you. You can't do everything at once Reiner, it's ok. It was...all the more meaningful, hearing it from people that I really trust and care about.”

 

Reiner sighed, and gave Connie an apologetic smile. “You're right, I'm sorry. I'll work on that. But I'm glad for you.”

 

Connie leaned forward, and planted a quick peck on Reiner's lips. “Apology accepted, dumbass.”

 

“Oi!” Reiner spluttered red-faced as Connie pulled away mischievously. “You can't just tease me like that!”

 

“Can and will,” Connie said, barely suppressing a deep yawn. “Believe it or not, today has been something of a roller-coaster of emotions, and I need some sleep.”

 

Reiner opened his mouth to complain, but a yawn of his own managed to worm its way out. “Fine, biological clocks win for tonight,” he grumbled as he moved to turn down the lantern light.

 

Connie snuggled down into his covers, his eyes reflecting the miniscule flame as he stared at Reiner from across the room. “Are you sure you're ok being on the floor for tonight?” he asked softly.

 

Reiner moved towards the bed, until he loomed over the smaller boy. He lowered his head, and gently brushed his lips across Connie's cheek. “I'm here,” he said as he smiled tenderly. “I'm not going anywhere.”

 

Connie reached out a hand, and grasped Reiner's wrist. “You make me feel safe,” he whispered.

 

Reiner squeezed back, feeling the warmth, and more importantly, the strength in his hand once again. “You complete me.”

 

After a pause, Reiner gently extracted his hand from Connie's, and dropped down to his bed roll. He quickly moved under the covers, and moved his body, so it was angled towards the bed. He could see Connie's leg hanging off the side, as he lay on his side.

 

It was all going to be all right.

 

Connie was there for him. And he was there for Connie.

 

They were safe.

 

 

 


End file.
